Rythmical Rants in the Anthills Upstairs

Dentist Chair

Ok, after much urging by my slightly neurotic mother, I finally went to the dentist. He reminded me of Ignacious Riley (sp?) from Confederacy of Dunces -- same kind of beach ball shape, a gut like a houseplant gone wild, and a bulbous nose with a hint of red. The guy's jollyness and G rated family-friendly jokes made me exceedingly discomfited with the prospect of allowing him full entrance into my mouth. I always hate it when doctors (of any kind, especially gyno's) feel the need to discuss golf, fishing trips, or everyday life whilst prodding and poking my physiological self with instruments that should be in a medieval torture chamber or perhaps Ed Wood's trophy case. Anyway, dentist stuff has changed significantly since I've been -- didn't there used to be a little basin like thing into which the patient had to spit repeatedly? I seem to remember struggling with those lines of spittle that stretch like a cobweb and refuse to release from either my lip or the proceline basin. Yet they just sprayed and sucked it out themselves. Hmmm...Perhaps my teeth hadn't been polished in quite some time. And what's with the tooth video cam??? Who, besides CSI fanatics, really want to see the backside of a molar? It's hidden for a reason, don't you think? I also don't like holding discussions when in a reclining position with a little blue napkin as a necklace. If he wanted to talk, why couldn't he have removed the bib and brought the chair to an erect position? Am I asking too much? All in all, my parting gift was another appointment next week for a filling and a suggestion to purchase one of those vibrator-acting $100 toothbrushes "to massage my gums". My gums are not on my top ten massage list, and don't I have enough battery operated toys? Ok, I've clearly lapsed into irrationality now -- this is precisely what I feared when I started this blog.
My girlfriend is in another country and won't return until Saturday. So, I'm feeling a bit lonely. The more Cabernet the better -- I'm off to stain my tongue burgundy while numbing my brain with a shot of Prime Time. 'Night all.