A peek at the REAL Thumbster

Sherri Q's 87/13 Thumbsucker Fantasy Story Date

Hi Thumb fans

It's been a while huh? Well much has happened in Thumbland since I last logged on...some bad but mostly good. One REALLY special good thing in particular but that will have to wait for another day. I'm expecting an important phonecall so I must get offline now. In the meantime here's FINALLY Sherri Q's fantasty story date I promised her months ago. I had grand visions of writing Sherri a multiple options story with multipe outcomes and scenarios, but alas, it was not meant to be. Sherri has said she intends to share this in one of her Comedy Newletters. Ever neat! So here now is Sherri's fantasy story date.







Hi Sherri Q


Beyond the Cloud9 was the high bidder in "Invalid Item"  and as such has won an 87/13 Thumbsucker Fantasy Story Date with moi. Yeah Sherri!

As you recall Sherri, when I asked you what kind of fantasy date would be guaranteed to curl your purdy little Texas toes, you told me "Something exotic. Something with scented candles, hot oil and plenty of freshly boiled mice on a stick. Yummmm. My favourite Malawian delicacy".

Hang on a sec. That doesn't seem right. I thought you were into hot honey and not hot oil Sherri. I best check your fantasy requests again.

Now where did I put my notes?

Does this seem familiar Sherri Q? "Don't go to any trouble for little ole me Thumb. I'm not into anything fancy. Just a few cans of beer, a Lazy Boy recliner, a fly swatter and the Jerry Springer Show is all it takes to tickle me pink. In fact you don't even have to show up. Just send over the beer." ****Burp****"

Hmmm That didn't sound like the Sherri Q I know either. I must have gotten my wires crossed.

Ah yes. I've just found your fantasy hints and suggestions list. Good. I'd like to surprise you now by giving you multiple fantasy story date options in one Sherri Q fantasy story date. Just pick the ones you like the best and ignore the rest.

Sherri Q's 87/13 Thumbsucker Fantasy Story Date

Chapter 1

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

"..."

"Hello? Sherri? Sherri Q?" I asked both eagerly and nervously.

"..."

"It's me...Gary...Thumbsucker Gary." I could hear faint muted sounds in the background but not much else.

"...***..."

"We went on a fantasy date together yesterday. Remember?"

"...***..."

**************************

Chapter 2

My question went unanswered. Not hearing a reply was nerve wracking. I hoped the connection was good. Finally the awkward silence was broken...


Option A... "Thumbsucker? What the Hell kinda freaky name is Thumbsucker?" (To continue go to Chapter 3A)
Option B... "Goo?" (Go to Chapter 3B)
Option C... "...***...Gary?" (Go to Chapter 3C)

**************************

Chapter 3A

"Thumbsucker? What the Hell kinda freaky name is Thumbsucker?"

"Sherri Q?" I asked.

"Hell no. This ain't no Sherri you idjut. Do I sounds like a Sherri? Dis is Dwayne...over at Dwayne's Grits N' Bits Truck Stop...just off the I-45."

"Oops sorry." I said. I hung up and dailed again. (Go to Chapter 4)

**************************

Chapter 3B

"Goo?"

"Sherri Q?" I replied.

"Goo."

"Zoe? Zoe Elise? Is that you Zoe?" I asked.

"Goo."

"I thought so. Could you put your mommy on the phone please Sweetie?"

"Goo."

What a little cutie...and smart too. How many babies know how to answer a phone and relay messages? I was very impressed. (Go to Chapter 4)

**************************

Chapter 3C

"...***...Gary?"

"Oh hi Gary." You said with your adorable Texan accent. "I couldn't speak coz my mouth was full of chitlins. Sorry about that. Yes of course I remember our fantasy date together yesterday silly."

Whew. That's a relief. That makes writing this a whole lot easier. (Go to Chapter 4)

**************************

Chapter 4

"So Sherri...with a Q...how's about strolling down memory lane with me and reliving some of yesterday's fantasy date highlights?"

Option A..."What? You mean right now Thumb?"(Go to Chapter 5A)
Option B..."Sure thing Thumb. Just let me finish eating these chitlins and I'll get right back to you."(Go to Chapter 5B)
Option C..."Sure thing Thumb. Walking done memory lane with you right now would be groovy and keep this fantasy date story moving along."(Go to Chapter 5C)

**************************

Chapter 5A

"What? You mean right now Thumb?"

"I was just in the middle of shaving my legs."

"Didn't I call you at work Sherri?"

"Yes you did. I always shave my legs at work. I also babysit Zoe, sew, make paper cutout angels and practice my Irish step dancing at work. The desks here are perfect for dancing on. I'll call you back in a bit Thumb." (Go to Chapter 6)

**************************

Chapter 5B

"Sure thing Thumb. Just let me finish eating these chitlins and I'll get right back to you."

"Yum, yum, yum. These are mighty good chitlins." (Go to Chapter 6)

(What the Hell is a chitlin anyways?)

**************************

Chapter 5C

"Sure thing Thumb. Walking done memory lane with you right now would be groovy and it will keep this fantasy date story moving along nicely."

"Groovy? I didn't know Texans said groovy."

"Why sure we do Thumb. We say stuff like groovy and chitlins and fireants all the time. All those words are in our state motto don'tchya know."

"Really? I never knew that. (Go to Chapter 6)

**************************

Chapter 6

"Anyways Sherri...remember when I showed up at your front door yesterday?"

Option A...Knock, Knock, Knock (Go to Chapter 7A)
Option B..."Oh goodie, goodie, goodie!" (Go to Chapter 7B)
Option C..."Hello. Sherri? Sherri Q is that you?" (Go to Chapter 7C)

**************************

Chapter 7A

Knock, Knock, Knock.

"I hope this goes okay." I thought to myself as I stood outside your front door.

"Oooo, oooo, oooo." I said hopping back and forth from one foot to the other while I nervously waited for my knocks to be answered.

"You're not Sherri Q." I quickly deduced as the door opened.

"No I'm not. I'm Chris...Sherri Q's husband...well her estranged husband. Can I help you?"

"Oh so you're Chris. There's a couple things I've been wanting to say to you..."

"Hey! You're here to see Sherri right? Not lecture me." Chris said as he stuck his index finger in my face. "Stay focused. Don't go making Sherri's fantasy story about me buddy."

"He's right." I muttered to myself. I had hoped I could avoid Chris when I came to pick you up for our fantasy date. Luckily I had planned ahead in case he somehow appeared in my story. I quickly whipped out the pocketbook I had bought at the airport and began reading from So You Want To Date My Texas Wife Do Ya?

"Okay then..." I read to myself. "You've just met the hubby. If you don't want to get shot here's what to say..."

"Howdy...pardner...Avoid eye contact...Ma name is Thumbsucker. I'm fixin' on showin' your...insert name here...Sharon...errr...Sharin'...a mighty fine time." I read aloud.

"I hope's we ain't gonna cuz n' fight 'bout this." I wondered if my Texas dating advice book would be a good investment. I quickly scanned to see if Chris was wearing a side arm. The book stressed..."Be especially polite if your date's Texas hubby is wearing a gun in his holtser. Be downright charming if it's in his hand."

"No problemo Thumb. Come right in." Chris said holding the door open for me.

Well this was a good sign. According to my book if it was going to turn nasty we'd have to settle it Texas stlye in the middle of the street and not inside.

"I see you've bought flowers and chocolates. Sherri's gonna love them." Chris keenly observed.

"I hope so. Nice place you got here." I said without thinking. I reminded myself to consult the pocketbook before speaking. I didn't want to say anything unTexanish.

"I'll get you to wait in here." Chris said as he opened the door to the hall walk-in closet.

"In there?" I asked somewhat puzzled. Chris' only reply was to stare silently back at me.

"Well this is awkward." I said.

"I'll get you to wait in here." Chris repeated as he continued to hold the closet door open.

"Ummm...I...guess so." I stammered as I quickly skimmed through the book looking for a chapter on Texas closet waiting etiquette.

"Great." Said Chris shutting the door behind me.

"It's awfully dark in here." I keenly observed.

"Don't worry Thumb. It won't get any darker. That's as dark as it's gonna get."

"Oh...that's good to know...I guess." My Texas dating book was now totally useless. I'd have to handle this all by myself.

"So...errr...Chris...I understand you're a paramedic huh?" I called through the closet door.

"Yup...but enough about me. I'd like to give you some advice Thumb. You weren't going to take my Sherri on a fantasy date looking like that were you?"

"Like what?" I answered, suddenly feeling somewhat inadequate.

"I mean all covered in hair. Sherri likes her guys hairless and smooth."

"What?" I asked in disbelief. I don't remember Sherri Q ever mentioning that in her journal or emails.

"Yup. Completely bald. Not even an eyelash." Chris said suddenly opening the closet door to hand me an electric razor and a bottle of baby oil

"She also likes her dates covered in baby oil too." He said as he quickly closed the door again.

"Are you sure Chris?"

"Yup. She detests hair. Can't stand it. She likes her guys smooth and slippery as a dolphin."

"I believe it's MaryLou who's into smooth and slippery dolphins." I replied.

"All the gals down here are into dolphins. It's a Texas thing. Trust me. You're gonna have to shave it all off Thumb."

"I don't know..."

"You did promise Sherri Q a fantasy date to remember didn't ya?"

"Well yes..."

"Bladness is one of the things Sherri fantasizes about. It's only hair afterall. It will grow back again. You'll do it won't you Thumb. This fantsay story will suck if you don't."

"I...I guess so." I mumbled as I reluctantly began shaving in the dark. When I had finished I called to Chris and he opened the closet door to get a good look at me.

"I feel almost naked." I said feeling my bald head.

"And ugly too I'll bet." Said Chris with a big grin on his face. "Some guys can pull off being bald but seeing you like this is downright brutal."

"Gee thanks." I now wished I had worn a hat on this date.

"But I think Sherri's going to love your new naked molerat look Thumb. What time did you say you were going to pick her up?" Asked Chris.

"About ten minutes ago." I said looking at my watch.

"Oh oh. Here's the address to her apartment." He said stuffing a piece of paper into my hand.

"Huh? You mean Sherri doesn't live here?"

"No. She used to...until she couldn't stand my porno ways or special female friend any longer. This really is ancient history now Thumb. I see you've been working on this fantasty story date for sometime now. I'd love to chat more with you Thumb but you'd better go. Sherri hates to be kept waiting." (Go to Chapter #8)

**************************

Chapter 7B

"Oh goodie, goodie, goodie!" You squealed with delight as you saw me approaching your front door. (Awww thanks Sherri ) I looked just like my Writing.Com pic. You noticed I had flowers and chocolate with me. "Oh I do hope they're for me." You thought to yourself. "I wonder if they're Canadian flowers and chocolates? I wonder if he'll have an accent? I wonder if he has any tattoos?"

Knock, Knock, Knock.

You hurried to your front door but didn't open it.

"Is that you Thumb?" You asked knowing full well it was me.

"Yes. It is I...Thumbsucker." I replied but then instantly regretted not coming up with a better comeback. I figured you expected me to be funny. Egads if you only knew how terrified I was of finally meeting you in person, only to have you discover I'm not funny at all in real life. I'm a funny phoney. I've only been faking it at Writing.

"Cheese." I said in a desperate attempt to redeem myself. Cheese is funny right? I hoped you'd forget my "Yes. It is I...Thumbsucker." remark but instead it only seemed to confuse you.

"Huh? Cheese? Oh nevermind about that Thumb, Use the doorbe..."

I interrupted you just then.

"You meant to say never mind and not nevermind didn't you Sherri? Never mind is the correct term."

"Huh?" You replied through the closed door.

"Never mind has the little space inbetween never and mind while nevermind doesn't." I informed you. Like you Sherri, I've always been a stickler for following the rules.

"Nevermind Thumb! Use the doorbell. Don't knock. A gentleman never knocks when calling on a lady down here in Texas. He rings."

"Oops." I now wish I had purchased that Texas date handbook I noticed at the airport.

Ring.

"What? That's it? One ring?" You said from behind the closed door. "I only get a single ring? What if I was vacuuming or washing my hair or yodelling? I'd never notice one pathetic little ring. I'd like to think I deserved more. Gentleman down here show how interested they are in a lady by the number of their doorbell rings." You said somewhat annoyed at my ignorance of common Texan doorbell etiquette.

"Oops." Once again I regretted not buying that damn book.

Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring.

"No, no, no Thumb! I can't answer to that many rings. I don't want to appear easy. Only floozies answer to ten doorbell rings."

Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring.

"Uh, uh. Still too tarty for a lady of my breeding."

Ring, Ring, Ring.

"That's better." You said as you opened your front door and invited me inside.

"It's good to finally meet you face to face Sherri Q. I see you really do have copper red penny hair." None of your publized grey hairs were noticable to me.

"Yes I do have copper red penny hair but it's something of a mixed blessing. All the guys think it's stunning but all the gals resent me for it. The bitches."

"Oh." I wasn't quite sure how to respond so I handed you the flowers and chocolates.

"For me? Why thank you Thumb. They're lovely. Are there any chewy caramel centers in these chocolates?"

"I think there might be a few. I'm not sure Sherri."

"Chewy caramel centers stick to my teeth and gums. If I find any I'll give them to Chris...but only after I bite into them to make sure first. So tell me Thumb, do you have any tattoos?"

"Nope."

"None?"

"No."

"Well we'll have to see about that. I don't know what you had planned for our fantasy date...you really do have nice eyes by the way...but before we do anything I insist we go to my favourite tattoo parlor and get you some much needed trattoos."

"Huh? Trattoos?"

"Oops. That was a typo. I meant to say tattoos. Nothing fancy mind you. I'm thinking my name...Sherri Q...across your chest and maybe a gecko or praying mantis on your arm...and a tongue stud or two. You don't already have a tongue stud do you?"

"Ummm no..."

"Good...and a nose or belly button ring while we're at it. A nose or belly button ring with my name engraved on it...Sherri's the only Q for me. Do you think they can fit that on a belly button ring? If not, you'll have to get two rings or as many as it takes."

"Errr...just hang on a sec Sherri. I'm not going to get tattooed or pierced. No way."

"But you gotta Thumb! All my dates do. After the date I rate them and get stars tattooed on their butts. One star for the duds and five stars for the studs. I hope you're not going to be another butt dud Thumb."

"I'm sorry Sherri but this ain't gonna happen."

"But it's my fantasy Thumb. You did promise to fullfill my fantasy date didn't you?"

Oh oh. I could tell by the look in your eye this meant a lot to you Sherri. Then again not having tattoos on my butt or stuff stuck in my tongue and belly button meant a lot to me too...so I did the only thing I could think of and said...

"Go to Chapter #8."

**************************

Chapter 7C

"Hello. Sherri? Sherri Q is that you?" I asked the eye staring back at me from the peep hole.

"What did you mean when you said Go to Chapter #8 just then?" You asked from behind the close door.

"Ummm...that was only part of my fantasy story Sherri. I decided to try something a tad different by giving the reader several options to choose from. Although each option is linked to other options, each is supposed to be independent also. Technically you're not supposed to know what happened in that previous option Sherri or acknowledge that you do know during this option."

"Well this is far too confusing. I'm from Texas damn it! Down here we like our fantasy date stories without confusing options. Now go away and don't come back until you've tidied my story up."

Go to Chapter #8.

**************************

"Stop it Thumb! No more options."

**************************

Chapter 8

Option A...No more options (Go to Chapter 9)
Option B...Sherri finds the options too confusing (Go to Chapter 9)
Option C...Actually it's not Sherri. It's me who's confused (Go to Chapter 9)

**************************

Chapter 9

"Hello. Sherri? Sherri Q is that you?" I asked the eye staring back at me from the peep hole.

"That depends. Are you through with the stupid options?"

"Yes Sherri. I'm all optioned out."

"Are you going to stop fooling around and start wooing me?"

"Yes Sherri Q. I intend to woo you like noone's ever wooed you before."

"Then listen up Thumb. We Texas damsels like our men attentive, considerate, witty, insightful, curious, powerful, tender, playful, understanding...I hope you're paying attention Thumb...inventitive, trustworthy, charming, generous, considerate...

...errr...I already said considerate didn't I?...

Where was I then? Oh yes. We like our guys punctual, funny, compassionate, sensual, spontanteous as well as thorough, intelligent, respectful, creative and masterful. We appreciate being appreciated and adore being adored. We want to be wooed with words and tingled with touches. Not one sided gropes but whisper soft caresses and heart thumping embraces. We want to be romanced. For this fantasy story date to work I must be the sole focus of your attention. I want to envelope your every waking thought and captivate both your night and day dreams. There can be no other but me. Do you think you can handle all that Thumb?"

"I can handle everything except the bit about me being a good wriggler." I replied, revealing one of my adorable, one sided dimple smiles.

"I didn't say anything about you being a good wriggler."

"Are you sure? I thought I heard wriggle in there somewhere. I'm really not much of a wriggler." I replied, revealing yet another one of my adorable, one sided dimple smiles.

"I couldn't care less about your wriggling abilities Thumb. Wriggling isn't something I look for in a man."

"Great. Well then, my answer is yes! I'm just the guy to handle all that wooing stuff."

"Great. Well then, my answer is also yes. Yes it is I...Sherri Q." You replied as you opened your front door.

"It's good to finally meet you face to face Sherri Q. I see you really do have copper red penny hair."

"Yes, yes, yes. I know Thumb. I've heard this bit before in one of your options."

"Oh yeah. These are for you." I said referring to the flowers and chocolates.

"Thank you. They're lovely. I'll put them over here with the other flowers and choclates you gave me in Chapter 7B. Zoe is with her grandmother so I'm all your's tonight. What did you have in mind for my fantasy date Thumb?"

"It's a surprise Sherri Q."

"I had no idea how should I dress, fancy of laid back, so I hope this outfit is appropriate.""

"It's very fancy but not to worry my dear Sherri."

With a click of my fingers you were instantly dressed as a princess in a full length shimmery gown, a diamond tiara upon your head and delicate, little eBay fairy wings on your back, while I was now in the full formal dress uniform of a fireman.

"Huh?...How?...Oh my!" You stammered in disbelief.

"It's the beauty of a fantasy story date. Anything is possible. Don'tchya just love magic? All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride...speaking of which...your carriage awaits m'lady." I said pointing to a horse pulled, open carriage at the curb in front of your apartment complex.

"Shall we?" You took my arm and I escorted you to the carriage.

"Onwards Mr Smithers." I told the carriage driver and with that we were off, both white stallions trotting in unison, the two oil lamps glowing yellow behind their frosted lattern glass.

"It's a beautiful night for a carriage ride don't you think Sherri?" I said as I scooted closer beside you.

"Oh my yes. Ummm...I hate to bring this up Thumb...but would you mind swinging by my radio station? I have something very important to see to there. I'm sorry but it just won't wait."

"Of course Sherri. Mr Smithers...There's been a slight change of plans. Onwards to Sherri's radio station if you please."

"I promised to sing Happy Birthday on the radio to my biggest fan, Harold. He's 100 today. My DJ show is the highlight of his week. Today will be his last chance to listen to my show though. He's also on death row you see. He's to be executed in a few hours."

"Sheesh! Executed on his 100th birthday. Bummer. What did he do?"

"Parking violations."

"Parking violations?"

"Yup. He has 75 years worth of unpaid parking tickets. That's frowned upon down here in Texas. Harold's really a lovable teddy bear though. I don't want to let him down. I know it will mean a lot to him. It won't take long, I promise. You don't mind do you Thumb?"

"Of course not Sherri. I think it's very sweet of you to remember Harold on his execution day. Chapter 11 can wait a bit longer. It's no problemo."

**************************

Chapter 10

We arrived at the radio station and no sooner had Sherri sung her Happy Birthday to 100 year old Harold when the phone lines started to light up.

"Hello...power fm 106.7 ...You're on the air." You said.

"Hi Sherri? This is Marvin. Will you sing to me on my birthday too?"

"Sorry Marvin. No can do. It's againsy station policy."

"Then how come you just sang to Harold?"

"I made an exception in his case because he's 100 years old and today's the day he's to be exectued." Sherri apologized.

"Lucky bastard."

"Thanks for calling Marv...Hello...power fm 106.7 ...You're on the air."

"Hi Sherri. How are you?" Said the caller.

"Piss off!" You shouted.

You could tell from my puzzled expression I was confused.

"Chris." Was all you said. Nuff said.

It was then that Harold phoned you from the prison...and asked you to sing to him again...to which you replied he'd have to wait until he was 101 before you could sing Happy Birthday to him again...but it seemed birthday boy Harold really just wanted to talk. Seems he was feeling a bit down...what with being executed in a few hours and all. Seems he really wanted to spend those last hours chatting with you Sherri. I could tell you were torn. On the one hand you were all dolled up in your full length shimmery princess gown with the little eBay fairy wings on your back all ready to go who knows where and do who knows what with moi...and brightening the last hours of a 100 year old parking ticket felon. What to do? Being on live radio didn't help either as you wrestled with your dilemma publicly.

"Would you mind if I stop and chat with Harold tonight Thumb?" You asked me with your big doe eyes and pouty lips.

"Of course not Sherri. I completely understand. We can always go hot air ballooning, geocaching and white water rafting another time." I replied.

You squeezed my hand, thanked me and thought to yourself how understanding I was.

"Lucky bastard." I thought to myself as I secretly cursed birthday boy Harold. "I'll bet he's been ruining fantasy story dates for the last 85 years." (I was not proud for having these selfish thoughts so please forget I ever had them)

So I left with Smithers in the carriage to cancell our hot air ballooning, geocaching and white water rafting, while you comforted lucky bastard Harold on live radio for the next four hours.

**************************

Epilogue

"What? That's it? You keep me waiting all these months for a fantasy story date and this is what I get? I get all dressed up in my full length shimmery princess gown with the little eBay fairy wings on my back and diamond tiara upon your head and I have to spend the night chatting with 100 year Harold? I was really looking forward to chapter 11...and chapters 12 through 20."

"I'm REALLY sorry Sherri. Real life has prevented me from writing you the fantasy story date you deserve. I think you're a lovely person who's had more than her fair share of bad times. I truly hope you have nothing but blue skies and clear sailing from now on Sherri. Hopefully your secret admirer will take you on many, many fantasy dates...fantasy dates without lucky bastard Harold. I wish you all the best Sherri Q."








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