He Takes My Heart With Him

His Birth

My other three children had all been born two weeks early, so I expected our newest member to make his debut somewhere around the same time. However, the 38th week of pregnancy came and went. Our perinatalogist casually asked if I'd like to be induced. I was all for it. My third baby had been an induction, because of his size, and it had only taken five hours from start to finish.

We scheduled the induction for May 26th. I was ecstatic to have a solid date to look forward to and began to anticipate our little guy's birthday.

Dr. R. had told us that when we got to the hospital to tell the nurses to start me right away. We wanted to be sure that the neonatal intensive care neonatalogists were on staff, as well as the pediatric surgical team. It didn't exactly work that way. When we arrived, the maternity ward was full, and being that I was an induction and could wait, I did.

Finally, the nurse came in our room and told me I could get in my gown. We were going to start soon. The fear started when I was dressed for the part. Now, when I was lying in the bed, hospital gown on, and the IV started, I remembered that they were going to take my baby away. He was going to be placed on my chest for just a minute and then whisked away to the fourth floor, two floors above me. I wouldn't get to study his tiny face and try to decide who he looked like. I wouldn't get to pull his little bare body to my bare chest and nurse him during his first few moments. They would take him. Away. And I would be a mother, without her baby.

The fear came in waves and brought nauseau, too. The contractions started slowly and mildly and built up to a pain that started overriding the fear. For some reason, I held out on the epidural for awhile. Maybe I thought that as long as I could feel the pain, I could keep my baby with me. But, soon, I couldn't take it any longer, and they gave me my epidural.

I told the nurse that I always went from 7 centimeters to 10 centimeters really quickly. Usually within ten minutes. She smiled and nodded and I could tell she didn't quite believe me. At four hours into the induction, I was at 7 centimeters. I was shaking and uncomfortable, even though I couldn't feel the contractions. I felt like I had a really bad flu. Within five minutes of the nurse leaving the room, I started moaning and shaking harder. I was sweating. I thought the epidural was wearing off and I begged my husband not to let it. The nurse walked back in, having forgotten to check something. When she saw my face, she said she had better check me again. Sure enough, I had gone from 7 to 10 centimeters within ten minutes. I was ready to have our son.