He Takes My Heart With Him

Waiting and Watching

For the next three months, I went in for monthly appointments and monthly ultrasounds. Our life continued as it had before. Blessedly, the time seemed to go fast. At each ultrasound, we found that the circle on the baby's spine was still the same size and in the same position. I would breathe a sigh of relief and a prayer of thankfulness until the next time. The day before each appointment was the hardest. I would worry myself sick, convincing myself that the tumor must be bigger. It would be bigger, a lot bigger, and we wouldn't have noticed it in time. I wouldn't sleep much the night before. But I loved those appointments and the time when the doctor would say, "Yep, it's the same size."

We continued on, meeting with the pediatric surgical team that would be operating on our little guy soon after he was born. We met with the neonatal intensive care doctors and took a tour of the neonatal intensive care unit. We discussed what would happen directly after his delivery. There would be a NICU team right in the delivery room and they would take him upstairs right away. We researched, prepared, and prayed.

The last few weeks, I had to go to weekly appointments and also go for non-stress tests. They would hook me up to a monitor that recorded any contractions and the baby's heartbeat. We always passed with flying colors. I would lie back in the recliner, listening to my baby's heart. Sometimes, I would chat with the nurses. Sometimes, I would listen to the conversations coming from the monitoring stations next to me and pray for their babies, too.

Soon, our baby would be born and we would be able hold him in our arms and protect him as much as we were able. We would gently rub his cheek and rest. Knowing that God loves this tiny baby even more than we do. And that knowledge comforted me more than any other.