He Takes My Heart With Him

Level II Ultrasound - Round 2

After the ultrasound, we had to call our families and tell them the results. "Yes, the baby's spine looks good, but there may be something wrong with his throat. It's by his heart, which makes us worry. The radiologist thinks it could just be gray matter and it will disappear by the next ultrasound. That's in two weeks. What's gray matter? We really don't know."

We felt highs and lows those two weeks. But, overall, we were happy with the results and felt we could trust the radiologist that this new development would probably turn out to be nothing.

The next ultrasound, we went through the same routine. This time, I watched from the beginning. I cooed over his little, upturned nose and happily counted all his toes and fingers. I felt scared, but hopeful. I watched the technician with a small, worried smile. She moved the wand over his esophagus and went slowly in small circles. Then, again, to his spine. Up and down, back and forth. This time, she didn't say anything about the results. She simply finished her exam and told us she'd be back in a minute.

I looked at my husband. He squeezed my hand and nodded at me.

The radiologist came back with the technician into our little partition. Right away, he told us that the spot on our baby's esophagus was gone, just like he had thought. But, instead of sending us on our way with relief, he picked up the wand and began moving it slowly over my stomach.

He found the baby's spine and ran the wand carefully to the end of the spine. Then, he pointed to a small, round circle and said something. I can't remember what he said. Something about that being wrong. Why can't I remember what he said?

He took measurements of the circle and told us he would write up a report and send it to my obstretician. He couldn't tell us anymore, he said. But, I have an obsessive need for information and I had been looking up information on abnormal AFP levels. I knew that there was a good probability the baby's spine hadn't developed normally. And now there was a small, round circle. On his spine. Oh, God, please help us through this.