The Life Of Me.

19th May 2005 - Ugly

Hurm. There seems to be something in the air today. Everything seems crazy.

Don't get me wrong...I was ecstatic ten minutes ago...but as soon as the conversation came up about how I look...And I hate me. I know it's the age-old thing about how all teenagers think they're ugly...but I don't think I'm ugly...I have an ok face, nice boobs, but then when it comes to my hips, thighs and bum...it just all goes downhill. Sometimes I look at them and think, "Shit, this isn't me..." I'm really slim everywhere else...it's just those areas, they just seem to get worse everytime I look at them. And I can't seem to eat healthier, as I'm always on the go, and seriously don't have the money to buy anything healthy. Argh. I hate me. I just want to be beautiful, I want to look nice, and I want to be sexy. Martin says he doesn't care...but I dunno...

With Carl...he just took the mick, and then didn't care. Robbie, was like obsessed with my bum and thighs, he absolutely loved them, thought they were the best things since sliced bread. And then Martin...he doesn't seem to care...just says that he loves me no matter how I look.

And I dunno...I want to look nice....and I don't. I really, really hate the way I look down thatta way. It's just rank. I can't wear skirts, I can't wear bikini's, I feel disgusting whenever I take my clothes off...I just feel like a beached whale.

I wish I had the time and the money to get thin...Grrrrrr.