My True Soul

OMFG I am SO glad IT'S OVER. - Finished

The title is exactly the way I feel at the moment, EXACTLY.

Halee came down for this week. All the way from PA she carried her ass down here. Her aggravating, immature, annoying, stupid, f***ing ass. For those of who don't know who she is, which may be all of you. She's this girl that I've talked...wait....tolerated for the past like year and half. She's liked me numerous times, always tries to be protective of me, hates like all the girls who've ever done me the least little bit wrong, including Afra. (I don't hate Afra, I don't hate anyone, but all Afra did was let me down on who I thought she was and not much there, but in a very significant way to me.) So, I talk to her, she's OK to talk to at TIMES. She basically invited herself down, I didn't fight much cause I know her home life isn't perfect, but I kept hoping something would go wrong and she wouldn't be able to come. Well, she made it.

The first day, it was kinda odd, ya kno? As it's meant to be with MOST everyone you hang out with the first time. But, the first day was mostly okay. Tyler came over, he helped me out, he helped the environment be more relaxed. She didn't really bother me. Amanda came over, we all watched The L Word, last week and this weeks. It was fun, really fun. She still hadn't bothered me. Then that night, I was getting tired. I was wanting to wind down. Tyler had already left. I decided to check again for Dr. Bartf***face's questions, they still weren't there. I got online, April was online. It's been several months since I've gotten to talk to her in that fashion, I miss it. I always do and I wanted to know how she'd been considering I had been reading about everything and didn't think she was doing that well, but there's always a difference between reading about how someone's been and having them tell you. Anyway, pointbeing, I wanted to talk to her. Rude, it may have been, but, uh, Amanda was there, she and Halee could have talked and um, anyway, I MUCH prefer April to Halee. Not that that really says MUCH considering I prefer almost ANYone to her, but, I say that not to diminish April's status. (Haha, bet ya didn't know ya had a status.) I get sorta cranky when I'm tired anyway, I admit that, however it is exacerbated whenever I have someone that's acting like a little child and WON'T LEAVE ME THE f*** ALONE! She then decides that she wants to sparr with me. For those of you who don't know, this is a karate thing where you basically pretend to fight and make VERY little contact whenever you do it without pads on. Okay, so, the bitch decides that I'd kick her ass (I would have if I had of wanted.) so I'm kinda like "I'll not be hard on her" well, I back off some... she begins doing this punching shit that's IMPOSSIBLE to block, so she hits my right arm EVERY f***ing time. EVERY TIME. So, I get kinda aggravated, I throw some punches, I do NOT hit her at all, but it's SO much faster than her that she's like "holy shit!" and freaking out. At this point, I'm kinda like "okay, enough is enough, now leave me alone and LET me talk to my friend." She follows me, she continues to aggravate me, she apologizes for everything she's done, but all I can really think "why the hell did you do it in the first place?!" That was Sunday night.

Monday.
She came to class with me, that was fine. She was like "this stuff is so easy" and she understood it, I'll give that to her. But she kept gettin AVERAGES wrong. I saw that. I was like... um.... k. She walks me (notice this...) to my next class. And then she goes up the hall and sits in the lounge area for an HOUR. I don't mind when people do this because that's what they want to do, but if they're too f***ing scared to actually do what they want to do or to have ANY self-will, it pisses me off! I think Tyler met us somewhere. I'm not sure. Yes, he did, cause we ended up standing outside talking to Keith and Neal for almost an hour. So the night before, we'd been wanting to go, (this may be TMI for some of you) to the local adult store, but, we didn't have time. I still didn't have my questions from Dr. Bartf***face, so we went to the city where that's at. We don't tell Halee where we're going. She walks in, she's scared. She is majorly scared and all shy and stuff. The thing about this is, and Tyler said it without knowing. "She looks like one of those people who talk alot of stuff about sex but then they get around something like this and it becomes OBVIOUS they haven't done any of the stuff they've said." Yes, that's her. Almost exactly. She freaked. Which, yeah, I was quiet and timid the first time I ever went at all and the first time I ever went there. Two reasons, I AM shy, I DON'T talk shit like that, and I'm not really that sexual of a person...not overall. It's not always on my mind. So, yes, I will be quiet around that kinda stuff. She freaks, walks around a bit, refuses to be around me really while I'm looking, and spends the majority of the time outside on the phone to her family with the drama bullshit she came down here to GET AWAY FROM. (The only thing she bought there? Yeah, redneck stickers. That was it. And she was PROUD of them.) I debate forever about actually purchasing something, tis something I'd wanted to try... but, should I buy it in her presence, will it give her the wrong idea? Should I, should I not. I did. Maybe that was a mistake, in retrospect. Then we decide to go to Little Toyko, it's a Japanese restraunt, good place. You eat with chopsticks. Tyler and I didn't really know how when we first went there, but we did it, we didn't wuss out and get forks. Now, we can eat with chopsticks fairly well. Halee is freaking out about what to eat, she bitches about the food, she doesn't like Tofu? Tofu is like, tasteless until you put it with something, then it tastes like that food. I mean, what is there not to like other than the texture. She hates the soup, it does taste weird at first, you have to give it a second try, she won't. By this time, I'm aggravated. In addition to all of this, she does sit beside me, but there's like enough of a gap that Keith coulda sat between she and I. (Not that Keith's a big guy though, but he coulda been there.) At this point, I'm beginning to think "she still likes me, that's why she's like this." We leave, go back to my place, it's kinda late. (Btw, throughout this whole time, she's done DRAMATIC efforts to hold the door open for me and all that chivarly junk...) She then tells Tyler that she wants to talk to him about something, but not in front of me. To this, I'm thinking... "Yep, she likes me....damnit...." and they go into the other room and talk. I give them their privacy. I knew that I could trust Tyler and I knew if I asked, he'd tell me what was up. I did ask, he breifly told me, and yes, she really likes me. I was afraid of that. He told her that he didn't really think that now was a good time (it's really not) and that I just needed to be single at the moment. (The truth basically.) And he explained that I was pretty upset with the stuff with Afra, that I probably needed to just not have another girl being all like "I like you, can we get together" (I'm to the point of practically wanting to be asexual, forget bisexual.) And she's like "okay" and then he SPECIFICALLY tells her NOT to mention this to me, because I did NOT need to hear it. I take him back to his apartment, she INSISTS on going as well. (Another aggravation. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FOLLOW ME AROUND LIKE A SILLY LITTLE PUPPY DOG.... IT ANNOYS ME!!!) I drop him off, she insists on being in the front seat then for the like 7-10 minute drive. She's TRYING so HARD to bring up what she and Tyler talked about. I'm like "oh shit, no, please no." I turn on the music in attempts to ignore her, it works. I get to my place, I announce that I'm going to bed. She then decides to try to bring it up again, I show no interest in what she has to say. She looks kinda hurt, I don't care. She's about to bring it up.... the PHONE rang.... I LOVE YOU SHORTY!!!! I was like... oh wow, talked about saved by the bell. I was so happy. SO happy. I talked to Shorty for an hour and by that time, I was really tired. Watched Kill Bill Vol. 1 for a few, then went to bed before it was finished so she wouldn't be able to talk to me. However, before I went to bed, she's like "Um, Robyn, can I ask you something?" (My thoughs="Oh f***, oh f***, oh f***") "Um, yes..." "Can I have a hug?" (My thoughts="NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO") "Yeah... sure..." *breif hug, VERY short* "K, goodnight" (Later I found out that she'd told Tyler that whenever she hugs a girl she likes, she feels like she's going to pass out (DAMN! She must not like me that much...heh) and her heart skips a beat...)


Tuesday.
I wake up to Halee being up. This is the second day in a row. Okay. (I locked my bedroom door cause it made me feel safer... I was afraid she would come in there at night and well, I have reason to believe this as will be explained later.) It's raining, it's been storming, she doesn't like thunderstorms. I love thunderstorms, so I'm overexagerrating how great it is to make her think that I'm absolutely batty. Anyways, we go to leave because I have class. She follows me like an annoying little puppy (not the cute lil puppy) and I tell her that she can walk around in Bowen and FIND a lounge area to stay because IT IS RAINING. But that I don't have enough knowledge of the building to know where a lounge area was. She insists that she'll just stand outside (now, to give her credit, there was a small area where the rain is blocked.) She stood outside the building for an hour and a half waiting on me. Did she leave and walk around? No. Nothing. Nothing at all. This aggravates me...I'd never do this, NEVER. But yet, she does. I went to the library, she sits outside the computer commons waiting on me. Then she and I walk to the dawghouse, Tyler calls, he comes to the rescue yet again. She's being quiet somewhat, I'm TRYING to work on the questions that Dr. Bartf***face FINALLY gave us. I'm beginning to be stressed out trying to figure how exactly I'm going to be able to answer 3 essay questions to the extent of how I need to by myself. I asked Tyler for help. Without his help, I would have NEVER been able to gotten in the studying for that test. I don't think I could have done it alone considering all the other shit going on. We left Halee in the Dawghouse (coffeeshop on campus) for that afternoon while we went to class. Turns out she spent the majority of the time there sleeping and fighting with her ex girlfriend, who, she came to get away from partially. Tuesday evening we went to Ty's apartment and stayed there. For the most part, we worked on my essays and stuff and left Halee to entertain herself for quite sometime. (She spent most of the evening TEASING me and I don't like to be teased that much. And you DON'T tease people when they don't know how to do something because they don't have the knowledge.) K, that WHOLE ENTIRE night she's running in and out of his apartment CALLING people from home. In and out, in and out. We're both getting aggravated at her as the night goes on because of her various stupid spoiled bratty bitchy smart-ass sounding comments. I finally decide that I'm too f***in' tired of everything and I lay down on Ty's couch while he's cooking some food. As I'm laying there, I felt like someone was looking at me, I turned to look over at Halee, guess who it was staring?! Ha, I KNEW I should lock my doors at night! We eat, go back to work on the paper, she continues with the phone crap. I finally get to this point where I'm getting ill, I can't take it anymore, I go lay down on Ty's bed. I stay there for almost 2 hours. Right after I lay down I hear Halee come in and say something about her phone service being shut off, has Tyler call her, it goes through, then she goes outside for a while. He comes in, lays down, and we're just kinda talking and relaxing when Halee comes back in and tells that, firstly, she now has a $546 phone bill. She spills all the drama to us, we try to not be like "Well, you deserve it" and we try to comfort her, mostly Tyler does. She stands there for a while and I think she got jealous because he and I were cuddled up somewhat, so she tells him to scoot over. I finally got up, then she gets up. Ty and I go back to work on the paper, we work until about 2 am. Halee fell asleep on us and we probably spent 20 minutes trying to get her up. I finally kinda gruffly tell her to get up, that I'm gonna go home unless she wants to stay there.

Wednesday.
I got up very early, got very little sleep. Maybe 3-4 hours. I woke up, Halee was already up. I got up, worked on my essays, did research for them, she didn't talk to me much then. I went to take a shower, came out from there, went back to studying. It was sometime at this point where she decided to bring up needing to call her parents and tell them about her phone bill. So, she calls....
She spends the whole entire time yelling at her parents. THEY DID NOTHING. Nothing more than they should have as parents. I could hear her mom. All her mom was trying to do at first was figure out what to do, then Halee turned into the smart ass bitch she is. She's yelling at her mom, her mom starts yelling back. I stare with great disbelief. I can't believe it. I mean, she's yelling and stuff. Then she starts yelling "I've GOT to go." "I GOTTA GO" and I'm thinking "Wait, where do you got to go!?" At this point, she apologized for fighting. I'm thinking.... "If you're at someone's place and you're going to talk while they're studying, you normally go to another room or go outside. If you're going to fight, you go OUTSIDE. If both of these things are occuring, you GO OUTSIDE."
We go to my classes, she waits. Tyler showed her around for a bit, we go back to his place. We work on our essay. By this point, just her general pressence is annoying me. Him too.
It finally becomes time to get ready to go to hear Judy Shepard speak. (SHE WAS SO AWESOME!!!!) So, we go, we get Amanda. The place where we had it, it was old, the chairs weren't the most comfortable thing. But after it was over, after you listened to something that made you want to cry in general and ESPECIALLY if you were a member of a minority group, particularly the gay community, the ONLY damn thing she can say? "These seats are hard, my ass hurts." Then she tells me that there's something she really wants to talk to me about after we get back to my place. She stands around us. Keith, Mike, Amanda, Tyler, Charlie, Diana, and I are all talking, she feels lonely, we tell her to just jump in. She decides she's going to go outside, she does, we stay and talk, tell Keith what's going on, he laughs. I beg Tyler to not make me go back to my place that night because of whatever it was that she really had to talk to me about. We then go to the reception thing afterwards.
Of course there were family members there. There's this one girl, I had class with her last semester, I've wondered. She was there, she was with a friend who was DEFINITELY a family member. Anyways, so, yes, I was drooling. I have the right to do that, I'm single. This girl was dressed like a thug, but she was so cute. Halee gets upset. We stay there, we leave to go back to my place. Get some stuff from my place. And on the way back to Tyler's, she and Amanda start talking about parents/bad life situations, and Halee is trying to make it a competition!! Amanda got pissed at her. We get back to Tylers, I go back to studying. She further gets on my nerves, but Amanda's there, she can handle her. Before long, Amanda's passed out on the couch. Before much longer, Halee's passed out as well. About 2 am, I finally decide to go lay down. Tyler and I end up talking about her for an hour. I fall asleep and wake up at about 6:30. I get up, I try to study, she won't hush. It's mostly okay though, Amanda is helping me with the SOG stuff.
Time to leave to go take my test. Halee just shakes my hand and tells me that it was nice to meet me. By this point, I was ready to get the f*** away.

That afternoon, I went to Tyler's to get my key (she had her stuff at my place, I didn't have time to take her.) We talked about her for about an hour. Tyler said he's never heard me talk about anyone like I have her. He's absolutely right. I don't know how someone can contradict herself so much, do so much shit, and just aggravate me so damned much.

It was just amazing. Not in a good way.

So, today, I talked to her. She asked me if I hated her. I said no. I answered honestly by using a loophole. I hate no one. Hate is a useless/worthless emotion that does absolutely no good for anyone. I do not hate. It's just "when we make eye contact, I WANT TO DIE!!!"

What I learned from this experience? I should never date a bulldyke. Or a very manly woman.