My True Soul

Merk

Lately, I've not had much time to write or when I have had time, I haven't written.
Sometimes, it seems that I get far too depressed to want to take time to write, even if I have a lot on my mind. And what bugs me more, is sometimes, I'm not sure why I feel so depressed. This time, I really had no clue. I've been in a really bad mood lately and I think part of it was cause I just really needed to get away from everyone. It's now Spring Break, I feel better. I've not gotten anything I wanted to do, done. But that's okay. Mental sanity and not killing someone is much more important than working on my spanish notebook.

Luckily enough, Tyler's been understanding whenever I've seemed ill. He can tell now too whenever I feel bad, it's good. There was Friday night where he, Amanda, and I stayed up all night talking about stuff. It was fun. It's nice to be able to do crap like that without disturbing anyone. It's a great thing to have your own place.

This was the same night that Amanda tells me "yeah, there's this girl that I've been talking to and she's a psych major at MSU, blah blah blah." (Point: the girl sounds cool.) Then she causally adds "oh, by the way, I think she's half filipino." "What?" "Filipino, that is right, isn't it?" "Yeah...." Tyler="Oh boy" Amanda = "What?" T="She's filipino, you shouldn't have told her that..." It was rather amusing.

Of course, recently, I've decided that perhaps the best place for my sexuality is asexuality. Things with Afra just, it wasn't her. Tyler and I were talking the other day "she seemed too perfect, ya kno?" "I kno and it bugged the holy hell out of me." We were also talking about the things we've learned from exs and crushes. There are a lot of things. There's one person, I've realized, it was never really them but rather situations involved... which is has completely confused me and it makes me wonder how I really felt about them as a person. And there's another person that I wonder if I'll ever learn anything from.

I went to a party the other night. It was kinda fun at first. It was a lot of people that I liked. Laura came, lol, started MAJORLY hitting on this one girl. But it just really amused me. Then there were 2 other girls who got there, they were adorable, but they came with Kurt. Mike let me try his hunch punch, which, for those of you who don't know, is 11 different liquors. I only had like 4 sips of it, it was a bit much for me. I had several people come up to me and ask me if I was having a good time... I was, but I've just been ill and I still looked ill. We go to leave, start running into people. I ran into Justin, who I've not talked to in over a year, that was nice. He's working at LJs now, told me to come see him sometime. Talked to Hank quite a bit. Then spent a while talking to Laura while she asked me about the other girls... I had no clue... lol, she fussed at me... I told her I'd remember to find out next time but currently, I just wasn't too interested in girls.

Halee's coming down on the 20th. Or she's supposed to be. I've not talked to her in about a week. She's so scared I'm going to hate her. I don't know. And she wanted me to get alcohol for her, but I don't want to take responsibility for her drinking. And she wanted me to set up a triple date thing for her, Tyler, and I. Amanda's the only girl that I know who I could ask for a favor like that. But then, Amanda doesn't really want to. While Tyler's suggested over and over again, that I should go with Halee. But do you know what that'll do? It'll give Halee hope when there's no hope and she might take it for more than it is.

I want to go out sometime this week with Lily considering I've not seen her since last summer and everything else. I want to hang out with Jake. And I want to see Mrs. Burns.

Oh, and odd thing in a way, one of the girls I went to H.S. with actually bothered to contact me. But of course, it was Kim, which I've known her since we were in 2nd grade. It never really seemed to matter that she and I weren't on the same popularity status. And she's the one who said that she was sure I was doing well on my own since I didn't have anyone to hold me back anymore. I think that she understood me better than I gave her credit for. I bent my rule on not talking to any of them for her. I woulda bent it for one other person, possibly, and that woulda been Anna.

I think I'm gone, I've said all I wanna say or I feel like saying.