Personal Journal

Keeping my ears open

I guess this is in part one of those journal entries where I explain to the audience, deliberately.

My original "cool moniker" for the web was "Pathless1", which had to do with finding MY place in life, the one god put me here to find. I decided that after all the manipulation I'd been put through in choosing paths to open up my spirituality, I wasn't going to look anymore.

As the saying goes, god knew my address, so I made the demand (yes, demand) that god come find me, because if I was listening for god through the words of any other human being, I was always going to get a filtered message.

So I figure god doesn't really appreciate this kind of insolence, but assuming he cares, it's probably something that can happen in my life.

Now, I love music. It sets my soul free. I can't dance for shit, and I'm only a passable musician on the instruments I played, but music is my favorite art form.

Since Jean died, I've been buying a lot of new music, and listening to new music on the KBCO radio station, and I've had a lot of moving encounters. There was a song on the new U2 album that I felt was really speaking to me, and I've thought about that a lot.

But today, when I got up out of the Angry Chair to try to run myself ragged on a hike in the ice and snow, I was listening to one of my newest albums, Blues Traveler's "Four" LP.

And I was really beating myself up inside, and I was really angry about Jean's death, to the point I was using my walking stick to beat on some shrubberies and tree branches and stuff. There was a really cool moment in my walk, too, where the snow clouds rolled down off the mountains and the whole sky got dark grey, and I thought to myself, "I am the DOOMBRINGER, feel my pain!" But anyway...

This song came up - Just Wait, it's called.

And these are the lyrics.
********************************
If ever you are feeling like you're tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill

I ask of you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you are alone
And is your suffering a privilege you share only
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

If you think I've given up on you you're crazy
And if you think I don't love you well then you're just wrong
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long

I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all but be gone

I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to your face
There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
********************************************

And I don't think god has ever spoken to me more clearly in my whole damn life... Because everything in that song sounds like it's being spoken to me, and by my god.

And it gives me something to think about...

I'm going to disect these lyrics over the next couple of days, perhaps in this space publically, and explain to myself what god is saying to me, and about me.