Life as we know it sucks

I Don't Remember

Current Mood: i feel sickly

Current Music: "Happy trails to you! Before we meet again."

You know, I made a list of all the people I would miss from school once I'm out in 2 weeks, but I'm not going to type them all here because one, you don't even know them and two, it's a waste because there aren't that many I'll miss.

I don't remember anything about high school really. I don't remember when I was working in the office during 2nd period or anything about meeting Shane in the hall after class or what I felt every time I saw him.

I don't remember what it was like to be friends with Christopher. Once you see his bad side, you'll never see any different. It really depresses me and makes me tear up every time I think about it. I bet we were only good friends because we fancied each other. *sigh* Otherwise, he wouldn't have looked twice at me.

A couple days ago I heard Justin remark to Christopher about how much happier he'd been at the beginning of the year. That was until he met me and a little while after that, but then we fought and it ended the way it did - the two of us not speaking ever again. Though, I'm not sure it'll go so far as never again, but who knows?

I sometimes get the urge to IM him, but what the fuck would I say to make everything better? And to be more interesting than Bitch? Huh? What? What is there to say that I haven't already? I've already learned sorry isn't good enough. I've learned that hating myself and wanting to die isn't good enough. I guess wanting to die is a different thing than doing.

. . . . Perhaps Christopher would be a lot happier if I were dead.

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Good fences make good neighbors.