When I Die

Godquake

Godquake

For those of you too busy to tune in to the news channel, on 26th December, 2004, here's what happened. At around 6:30 Indian Standard Time, a Godquake struck, it's epicenter was Sumatra. It measured 8.9 on the Ritcher scale. The biggest quake in 40 years. The epicenter of the quake was somewhere in the Ocean. A Tsunami rose--picture Deep Impact's ending multiplied ten times--and thrashed against every island in the Maldives, almost drowned Sri Lanka, killed over 1000 on the southern shores of India; 600 Indian fishermen are still missing. The wave was over forty meters high.

Some Christmas present.

Something like this killed Amy in 2001. This will have killed another lover. I'm sure of it. I'm not saying that I'm part of some grand epic mystery, but God, some say he works in mysterious ways, I don't think so. He works in entirely predictable ones. If you'll remember, 2000 was a leap year. 2004 was a leap year. 2001 birthed the earthquake, the WTC thing. 2005, almost upon us, had enough life to birth this quake. Everybody watch out for 2009/2010 now. You might also do well to remember that the 2001 earthquake was on the 26th too. 26th January. India's Republic Day. Is it a coincidence that the numbers match? 26th? Don't even start telling me that's how it is. Please.

There's a post-Christmas party going on at college. They're asking me if I'm coming. It's like asking someone to fuck after cutting his dick off.

The total body count as I write this (8:20 PM, 26th December, 2004) is above 6000 (*see note below). That's just a rough minimum estimate. 2001's estimate was 600. How many died back then? Nobody knows for sure, but it was at least thrice that amount.

Somewhere in the future, some scientist may propose that this particularly violent plate is moving southward. 2001's quake was in Gujurat/Latur. That way we can expect 2009's quake (or whenever it happens) at the South Pole.

Sri Lanka has declared a national emergency, has pleaded for international help.

Maldives is soggy, but its airport is operational as of now.

One thing I pray for is that everyone finds out if someone they love died in this quake; everyone finds this out in the next three days. I wouldn't want someone to do what I did for four long years.

I hope nobody ends up being missing. I hope they find every dead body there is. And that they identify everybody. Everybody.

I dont' know why God needs to fart every now and then. Maybe it's a reminder, maybe he's asking us, Who's your Daddy?

You see, I can live with man made disasters. I can live with war. I can live with riots.

I can't live with knowing that there is ugliness out there that we cannot even dream of avoiding.

Picture a little girl--about ten--trotting alongside her father in beach slippers. Both of them with straws sticking into green coconuts. Picture her sipping and blowing into the empty coconut and then giggling at the foolishness of it. Picture them walking on the beach under shady, cool palms. Picture her looking at the morning sky and loving how warm it is instead of the cold, cold night. Picture her with her hair tied up in a ponytail. Picture her wearing a white cap. Picture her father telling her about how the they're standing only about four feet above the water level of the ocean. Him telling her that maybe in the afternoon they'll hire a boat and sail the waters. Picture her feeling positively bonked out with joy imagining the two of them sailing under an orange sun and above green waters. Picture her blue skirt waving and leaping in the breeze.

Picture her getting ready to throw the coconut in a waste basket. Picture her looking at the water because suddenly there is this huge, whole whooshing sound coming from there.

Picture her wide-eyed, watching the wave speeding at her. Picture her lips forming a small O. Picture her looking at her Daddy. Asking, "What's that, Daddy?"

Picture her looking at his frozen face.

Picture the wave closing in.

Picture nothing after that.

You know what? Five years from now, no one will give a shit. I know it sounds very cruel, but who the fuck remembers all those quakes in Japan? Who remembers Vietnam? World War 2? Mogadishu? When we die, who will remember WTC? It'll just be a photograph in some school textbook. World History. American History.

Anything that no one wants to remember, they call it history.

Should I be glad that this didn't happen anywhere close to Mumbai? Perhaps I am a bit. I don't mind dying, but there are people here I don't want to see dying.

Ship them all off to some place safe, then I don't mind a quake right here and now.

I've always been too full of myself, and even now, all I can think of is the people that I care about. And why shouldn't I? Nobody else will care for them. Nobody they don't know will ask God to spare their lives.

Am I going to sleep tonight thinking the world will be all okay tomorrow morning? Am I going to sleep at all?

Are the ones suffering going to sleep tonight?

Are you?

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*Note: 27th December, 2004: total body count is above 20,000.**

**Note: 28th December, 2004: total body count is above 40,000. And from now on the numbers become inconsequential.