Life as we know it sucks

I Can't Take It

Current Mood: I'm ok

Current Music: Three Libras - A Perfect Circle

Ugh! I can't wait until Thursday comes so I can leave this God forsaken place! So I can get away from my worries and troubles. So I can get away from Shane because he's driving me nuts with this, "Did you miss me today?" and how he has this annoyed, desperate need to tell me how he much he loves me all the time. STOP IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT! I'm going fucking crazy and I can't stop it. I can't take this guilt he may (unknowingly) be forcing upon me. I HATE YOU! That's what I'm going to be saying if he doesn't stop!

I can't take this anymore. I just want to cut and cut and cut! I just want to cut so that all you see is shiny blood seeping out of every crevice of my body. I just want to be like that kid on the "Dead Poet's Society" that took the suicidal way out. That would be lovely, but remember, Hilary has no guts. No guts at all. *sigh*

I don't want to get married right out of high school anymore. I don't want to get married when I'm still a fucking teenager! I don't want to live with Shane, but I don't want to live with mother either! So, it's like picking the lesser of two evils.

I don't want to finish high school already. I'm not ready to grow up! I'm ready to die, but nothing else that comes with age . . . *sigh*

I don't want this to be the end of my [short] friendship with Christopher. I want him to be one of those best friends that understands me and that knows me like the back of his hand . . . but it's over. I have to accept that and let go . . .

But . . . I can see how this is going to be. Exactly like Matt. I'll never get over it. I'll never get that part of me back. It's unfinished business with Christopher. If there are ghosts and that's the reason they stick around, then I'll be around forever. Har har.

Maybe my problem is not only wanting to cut and barely being able to control it, but . . . it's the fact that I need more rubber bands.

Yours Truly

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"I love you" is only 8 letters . . . then again, so is "bullshit."