Life as we know it sucks

I Hate Myself and Want to Die

Current Mood: depressed...still

Current Music: Snoop Dogg - Drop it like it's hot

If I was on a deserted island . . .

That would greatly increase the chance of me killing myself. Especially now in my life. I really hate my life. I mean, really.

I hate myself and what I do. I hate how I am and how I act. I hate what I look like and I hate what my personality is like. *sigh* I just hate.

I'm so hateful. Tymon was right. Everyone was right. I've always been right. I've always know my hatefulness. I've always known my cowardly ways. I've always know, but no one ever believed me until now. *sigh*

Now that I have caused pain for everyone they finally realize what a bitch I am. What an awful, AWFUL person I am. I hate myself and want to die. Like the Nirvana song.

I can't even look at him now. And I refuse to talk to him. I utterly refuse. *sigh* This is, I'm sure, what he wants. I know it would have been better if we'd done this from the start, but I didn't want to then. I don't want to now . . . but I should. I really should. This is what's right and this is what he wants.

It's too awkward and all we do is fight about it. I don't know what to say to him anyway . . . especially now. Sorry isn't good enough and I wouldn't be able to find the words meaningful enough to say how bad I feel. He has no idea. He really doesn't.

He thinks he's worth nothing, but he is worth plenty. All the tears I cry, the pain I inflict upon myself . . . all of it. I would love to keep him around forever, but what he said was true . . . I was leading him on so things would stay the way they were and yes, that is shit . . . but it happened and I can't change the past.

But . . . if it means anything to him at all now . . . I'm sorry.

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"I love you" is only 8 letters . . . then again, so is "bullshit."


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"I love you" is only 8 letters . . . then again, so is "bullshit."