Life as we know it sucks

Automatic

Current Mood: ok, I guess

Current Music:

So, today I thought my heart was being very clear and concise about what it wanted . . . but then I talked to Christopher and all my feelings for him rushed back. I seriously thought it was a fling for a little wile . . . guess not. I think I'll like him up until the last day of this semester and then I won't see him anymore and there wouldn't be any point in getting with him, but I dunno what's supposed to happen. I'm supposed to choose this one and it was supposed to happen this way.

So, Christopher and I hung out again after school and I met his mom. She's cool, I think. She told Christopher she thought I was cute and had a gorgeous smile (I think he's embellishing on that one). You know, in all this happiness, I feel like I have no one to tell. None of my friends want to hear it. They want to hear that Shane's making me happy and saying how I'm beautiful. For some weird reason I just feel like he says it because it's a reaction now.

Like, lately I haven't been saying "I love you" because I'm just confused but every now and then I do because it's an automatic response, you know? Ugh! I've got to get out of these routines. Some routines are NOT GOOD!

So, Christopher asked me to homecoming and it looks as though I said yes. I don't want him to think we're going as a couple. I want him to just know we're friends . . . I don't know if it'll change but I'm starting to try and work things out with Shane instead of taking the easy way out. I don't know if anything will change, but I just want to keep Christopher as a friend. A really good, close friend. *sigh* He's so good to me and he cares. It's nice to have a friend like that again. It makes me miss Rachel so much. *sigh* I can't wait until Christmas to see her again!

So, this Friday at 2, there's a pep rally. Christopher has agreed to hang with me. Hehe. And then we'll, like, arrive at the game late and leave the dance early. Sounds cool, right? I just figured I should go, just to make fun of those other losers (like me) who will be there. Ha.

Hopefully it'll be fun. No regrets.

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To everyone out there who's a little different, I say damn a magazine, these are God's fingerprints.