My True Soul

We're everywhere!

I really enjoyed yesterday's meeting with the Spectrum people and I've decided to write about it.
This woman that I had pegged for a lesbian/bisexual last semester when she came and spoke to my class. Well...I must say apparently my rosie-o-meter isn't as bad as i think. It's been pretty accurate when I've really really thought that someone was homosexual.
There were 2 new girls there, uh... Lauren and Nicole, perhaps... yeah. It's nice to see more girls, I think there were 6 guys, 4 girls. Normally it's like 8 guys and 2 girls. Anyways, I used that as an opportunity to observe the finger comparision thing. Where if your ring finger is longer, you're more attracted to females. Holds true for me, Amanda, and for Lauren, I never could get a good enough look at Nicole's hands. Anyways, those who know me well, know that I have a thing for hands anyway. Lauren's are very nice. (Yes, better than Amandas) It seems that it's a mostly true thing, thus far.

We were talking about stereotypes, prejudice, discrimination. This has been the running topic in my sociology class and my social psych class. The group actually shared personal things. It was hilarious at times. Lauren said she'd told a guy and a girl who were dating, but her best friends, they haven't talked to her in 6 months. She's still hurting from it, you can hear it in her voice. Amanda talked about how she had a close friend who'd go through like 5 shirts, I suppose this was when she was in a Sorority still as well, and then when Amanda told her she was....whatever.... I suppose a lesbian, the girl stopped changing in front of her. And stuff like that hurts in a way, I know it does, it happened t me as well. Um, but as Amanda said, the girl was cute, but she just wasn't attracted to her at all... it's like "don't flatter yourself" Yeah, totally understand that. She also brought up the fact that one of the lesbians she knew had been on an organized team sport and she said the most terrifying time was when they were getting changed in the locker room. She changed staring straight at her locker and never moving her eyes. Afraid someone would lash out at her. Afraid they might think she was checking them out. Amanda also brought up the point about how one of her friends was really supportive and ok with guys that were gay, but not females. I had to comment on that, I told her I had a friend the same exact way. Nother subject got brought up, then she asked me if I still talked to that friend... told her that as a matter of fact, I did still talk to her, but we're not close, and she thinks I'm straight, so obviously don't talk about anything too personal.

Um, Steve said he had that common fight scene where the kid yells out, at the end, as a way to get back at the parent "BTW, I'M GAY!!!" and his mom opens the door, yells at him "I was wondering when you were going to FINALLY tell me!" Haha, he said it just took away all that... and then he wanted to yell "Well... I'M STRAIGHT!" He's a funny guy sometimes.

Haha, he said he'd went to this other room where there was a meeting going on.... hahahaha. It was the republicans... lol, he walked in n he's kinda obvious when he opens his mouth, lol... so he ASKS if this was the "GLBF-Spectrum meeting" and lol, they just said "uh.... " and he got the clue, lol.
Oh! Another factor Amanda brought up, (she's full of ideas sometimes) was that it seems like if you're the only one of your friends, they seem to think you represent all gay people everywhere and you should be able to answer everything. I've been done this way. People seem to fail to realize that we all are individuals. Or they treat us like we're entirely different. They being the people who do this kinda stuff. One girl had asked someone if lesbians had periods... now, lol, we were all about to fall over laughing... Nicole told her we didn't... lol. Steve was all "oh no girl, now you started something! when we hear the rumor that lesbians are aliens, we'll know how it got started!"

We also talked about if it's easier when it's not obvious that you prefer the same sex. It is much easier when it comes to the general population, in my experience. However, it throws people when you tell them you do. I had a couple of friends be like "glad you realized this finally" and others who were obviously surprised and yet others who had no clue but were very accepting.

It was such a kickass thing to be part of last night. I just wish things like that could happen more often. Another funny thing that happened was when we were talking about.....and it just escaped me... oh hell.

Amanda didn't realize how she felt until she was 19. I was 16. Same time. She's 22 now... I turn 20, then she'll turn 23 in like... April? So that kinda made me feel a little less intimidated by her. For those of you who've heard the concepts of "baby lesbian" yeah. It's like that sorta. Eventually I'll realize she's a human and not a goddess. Which basically is my biggest problem in talking to her.

I keep thinking that she and I would get along. But I can barely even talk to her, ya kno. Last night, whenever I went to share about my experiences, because I was looking at her, addressing something she'd said, responding to her comment, haha... my voice, lol. It came out SO much lower than normal. It was like throaty sounding. And I've heard people say stuff about that... that if you're attracted to someone, in my case, a girl, that your voice ends up coming out lower. Idk, mine came out lower because I was fighting with that urge NOT to say anything. Also, lol, Chandra told me that it was like this thing that girls rub their necks when they're attracted to someone, which, lol, I do that. And when do I do it the most? *COUGHS* Anyway. So we'll hope SHE doesn't know about that.

The group is thinking about going and helping out the humane society, walking dogs and cats. Haha, when Amanda said that, Richard was just like "... walk cats" "well play with them" and we got into this discussion if you could walk cats. And you can! LoL, I can walk Tigerboy if I want to, he behaves well, n mentioning kittens, Amanda has one... kickass. I think I prefer cat people, lol. Steve had to make the perverted comment that he doesn't normally play with... ahem....cats....ahem. Amanda and I were just like OUCH!

Also, during coming out week (Week of Oct. 10th) we're wanting to have people at our lil house in order to provide "counseling" to those who might want someone to talk to. I wish I could have had that when I was figuring out my emotions. Well, I really want to help out then. God, I think that's during Midterms though. I'm gonna go psycho. Anyways, I've already made an obligation now. But I'd really like to talk to people about everything if they want and I'll be able to study there as well. I feel kinda hypocritical cause I've not came out to my parents ya kno, so I don't understand that, however, I have came out to numerous friends. I'm not publicly open, but I figure, why the hell should I advertise which sex I prefer to have intimate romantical relationships with, not like everyone else does. If anyone has any thoughts on that bit... I'd REALLY APPRECIATE it. I really want some feedback there.

Um, I think that's all... not like that wasn't enough.