My Life...

Mixed Emotions.

Mood : confused


Well, my heart may have been broken once again.

Yes, I'm being melodramatic, but I'm upset.

At least I was on Thursday.

I was sitting in English, already in a bad mood because I'm so sick and tired of school, when I overhear Ben say something about him being nervous because the girl he "likes" was going to give him an answer at recess.

I know I've said that I've given up on him, BUT I STILL LIKE HIM!

So, I was really upset.

I asked Natalie who he likes and....he likes EVELYN!!!

Um, okay:
*She has a boyfriend
*She is living with her boyfriend
*She flirts with every guy around (no, I'm not just saying it. It's true. I sit near their group and I've seen her in action.)

Apparently, she's been ringing him and they've been talking for like an hour every time.

Ben said his heart beats so hard when they talk.

I know that I will get over this, but I want to be the one Ben likes...

He is one of the most "perfect" guy I have ever met.
I don't mean "perfect" as in perfect looking (although he is cute), I mean "perfect" because he is sensitive, funny, nice and he has the right values such as putting his family first and willing to help people...

It's just that nothing to do with getting a boyfriend or falling in love is ever going to go right for me, and I so desperately want it to.

Do I have some idealised view of love?
Am I looking for something that doesn't exist?
Am I obsessing over nothing?

I may be 17 years old, but I have never had a proper boyfriend.

How completely tragic is that?

Well, I started this entry not because of Ben, but I just had to get it out that, once again, I have been disappointed by a guy.

The real reason for this post is the fact that my parents (well, Mum is the most forceful about it)want to move back to Orange after the HSC is over.
When they suggested moving to Coffs Harbour, I was 100% against it- I was in no way about to move to Coffs Harbour
But, for some reason, moving to Orange sounds a lot better.
I have a lot of good memories about that place- I know I lived there from ages 4-8 and that wasn't very long, but I remember loving it.

Honestly, I only have one friend here- Kristen- and I'm not staying here just for her. It sounds harsh, but I'm not sure we will stay in contact anyway- she won't stand up to her mother about things and I don't think our friendship will last, even if I do stay here and we go to the same university.
I mean, our friendship is special now, but eventually, I want to make new friends and to do that, I will have to distance myself from her because if I don't, I know that I won't make an effort to meet new people.

Am I just considering this because I am so sick of school and I imagine that moving would give me a fresh start?

Because I have learnt my lesson from my brief stint at W.H.S...

I don't know... Part of me is excited- a new house, a new town (which I have lived in, but ages ago) and just a fresh start.

I don't know if these feelings are real or just because of the pressure I'm under at the moment due to the HSC.

~Sarah


~~Piper: I'm getting stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower!
Piper/Leo Harry/Ginny Ron/Hermione Dawson/Jen Pacey/Audrey Steph/Max Jack/Nina
Brooke/Deacon Amber/Rick~~