Just Jul Lee

monKey

monKey or Don't Read This If You're Happy
DATE: July 7, 2004

Everything today, well for the last week plus, is Hades for me. Apparently I should kiss ass. I don't do that very well. So I'm screwed, basically.

Here's the deal. I had a bad day. I apologized on said day. I came back on Monday and she acted as if I'd slept with her boyfriend or called her a b***h. Neither happened.

Loud jibes were said and I was genuinely confused. Finally, over two days later, there was a meeting.

My phone calls are too loud and my plans are ruining everybody's day. Jealous, I guess. Then, supposedly, I talked about her. Please. I'm not stupid. If I was going to talk about her, I wouldn't do it at work. I spent the whole day on the internet one day too and I won't hold people's hands and walk them through the process of finding a report. I make it so simple for them. If it's in the system, it's in. If it's not, it's not. Forgive me if I'm not all anal-ly happy to explain that twenty times a day.

I find it rather convenient that all the bad stuff happened when neither she nor the other one were here to witness it. Big f-ing surprise! And it's all my fault, too.

There is something you should know about me. THIS, right here, is how I vent. I get pissed off, I avoid the person for awhile, then they never know they pissed me off when I talk to them awhile later. So Friday my anger actually leaked out. Horrors upon horrors! I'm human! I'll never live it down! Please.

All I can figure is that when I left Friday early, they must have had a little s**t flinging powwow about me and so Monday I entered the flip side of Julie's world. The only way to make it right is to kiss ass, which I mentioned earlier, I don't do.

My mom just called and asked if I wanted to go to the opera with her one day next week and I said no. She said, not even a consideration, which meant that I didn't even think about it. I said no. She said, what if I want somebody to go with me? I said, I don't know what to tell you. She said bye, sounding hurt and depressed, and hung up. I've been hurt and depressed for a couple of weeks now but she doesn't care so why should I? I don't. I just wish I could stop crying.

So there you have it. It isn't getting any better here and I don't think it will. But that's my life in a nutshell.

And what a nut I am.

Just a little attempt at humor.

JAD

God told me that my mom doesn't deserve to be treated in the above way. I'll call her and tell her Wednesday is fine and she'll make me feel like crap instead. I don't think anal-ly is a word.

JAD

My mom was crying. Crappy feeling accomplished.

I need chocolate.

JAD

NOTE: This was handwritten at work and I tried not to change it but a few changes were made so the words would flow easier. The JAD's that are in here are where I stopped and then added more.