Old Decathlon Olympics Journal

May 16th, 2004 - Life can suck sometimes

May 16th, 2004 – Life can suck.

Here it is Sunday already. The week ahead looms large in the foreground with the eternally heart winching events that are about to unfold. My daughter will be arrested tomorrow for identity theft and forgery. I have had to press charges because of her continued stealing of my credit cards and checks. Her stealing is mind boggling because we were helping her pay her rent, utility bills, and buy groceries. I told her the last time if she did it again that I would have no choice. I told her that I would have to file charges. I explained in great detail what grief she would encounter if she did not change her wicked ways.

Yesterday and today both my husband and I have fielded calls with her wailing and begging for us to drop the charges. This is tough love and it sucks big time.

What is up with kids today? I try to imagine what it was that could possibly explain my daughter’s actions. I draw a blank no matter how hard I try to find ways to justify her activities. I ask myself what I could have done to prevent this. When she was here I hid my purse of locked it up. I watched her I thought carefully enough that she would not have any temptation to steal. Evidently she did not care if we had enough money to pay our own bills.

I am truly depressed by my daughter’s total disrespect and concerned about her criminal activities. All this is certainly providing more distraction than I want to be bothered with. She is 24 years young, and digging a hole that is going to cave in all around her.

The people at the branch bank have been so kind and understanding. I am told that this has been happening quite frequently to many families. The first question that everyone has asked me, “Is she using drugs?” Nope that is not it, which would certainly be an explanation. Then the question becomes, “Does she have a gambling problem?” I assure you that is not it either. It boils down to her thinking that she deserved what she stole. I somehow managed to raise a selfish, uncaring, lying, stealing thief.

I can’t imagine having done this to my father. We argued over money. I always thought that I needed more than he ever gave me, but I would never have stolen it from him. I cannot state one specific reason why I would not steal from my father. I just knew that I didn’t, couldn’t have, and can’t imagine what of would have happened if I had ever tried such a thing.

My generation was raised with FEAR. I hear the new motto of “NO FEAR” and I look around at everything that is going so wrong and I am beginning to believe that FEAR is a good thing.

Well, I hope my daughter discovers FEAR, at least the FEAR of going to jail if she commits a crime. The charges that she is facing are felonies. I can’t help her. As much as I know that she needs to be held responsible and accountable for her actions, my heart aches for all of us. This selfish, thoughtless act of stealing is cutting my heart out, and forever will color all future dealings I have with my daughter.

I don’t know how parents deal with it when their children commit unspeakable crimes, but I guess I will find out over the next days, weeks, and months while this tragic and sad situation plays itself out in the courts.

Life can really, really suck, sometimes.