Writer's Workshop Prompt Journal

Reasons and Rationalizations

Reasons and Rationalizations for My Writing

I decided tonight, to sit down and take a look at the reasons why I write. Writing has always been so automatic with me that I never really think about the “why” in the process. Maybe taking this closer look will shake loose up some seeds for some new writing.

When I construct the stories I currently enjoy writing, I write about the life I wish I’d had as a kid: two attentive, supportive parents, a bunch of good friends and a well-defined sense of who I was. Sometimes I still feel that I completely know who I am yet, but I have learned through experience and through my writing who and what I am not.

In life I am not confrontational until really pushed, and then it is largely an involuntary reaction. If I have time to consider the perceived wrong done to me, the less likely I am to face it head-on. When I write, I can counteract this tendency within myself. I can write characters that face challenges and affronts in ways that I wish I could.

By nature, I am not outgoing. I tend to prefer my own company. I think that’s because I can deal with me coming up short, but I am sick of other people letting me down. It’s happened a lot in the past few years, and I realize that in many cases, it happened because I let it happen. But, I play things off real well. I don’t think anybody knows how much I hurt when those things occurred. I dealt with the pain through my writing.

When I write, I can be and do whatever I want. I can choose to be alone, or I can be the life of the party. Through writing a story, through the characters I create, I can let someone know when they’ve hurt me without feeling like I’m hurting them. In my real life, I hate telling people how I feel even when I feel badly about something negative and/or unwarranted that they’ve done to me. It’s such a crazy part of my make-up. I have always been that way, but I’ve come to accept that’s just how and who I am. Fortunately, I’ve discovered this wonderful outlet for the hurt, anger, and disappointment such experiences leave behind.

I write about not having to let money be the reason “why not”. Too often, the lack of money, or the perceived lack of money has kept me from making that leap of faith to do the things I really want to do. In college, I dropped journalism for teaching because teaching was the “surer thing”, and the bi-weekly check was guaranteed. I didn’t come from parents who could afford to support a grown daughter who was trying to get her feet wet in the world of writing. I didn’t have a trust fund upon which I could support myself through the lean times, and I didn’t have enough nerve or wherewithal to live too hand-to-mouth; so I settled. Through writing, I get to research and travel to far off places, I get to meet people I wouldn’t ordinarily meet, and I get to move in circles and worlds that I wouldn’t be able to otherwise frequent, and, as an added benefit, I get to write.

In my ideal world, I dream of a place where people accept each other for who they are rather than their social status, what color they are, what religion they follow- or don’t follow, or from where they hail. That sort of world can be magically created through the skillful use of the pen (or word processor). In my written world, hate is based upon the tangible, the real, the personal, rather than upon preconceived notions and mindless generational bigotry.

I love female heroines. I like them in real life and I love them in writing. Smart, funny, sexy, women who are in charge of their own worlds are my favorite character types about which to write. These women are in direct contrast to most of the women with whom I grew up; those sickly, tired, mean-because-they’re-so-worn-out women of my growing up world. I feel like I’ve become one of them sometimes, but the writing sets me apart. I have a built-in escape from it all.

In life, little girls are taught to be nurturing, patient, and supportive. They grow into women who try to fill that role for everyone, and they end up forgetting about needing those things themselves. Consequently, they often become bitter and resentful, even as they put on that happy face for the world as they were taught to do. My favorite female characters, in general, are those who are comfortable with their sexuality and with their station in life. They can be flawed, just to keep them real, but they are women who do what they want to do, and they like who they are.

In reading this over, I guess I write to share my thoughts on how I wish things could be, and to escape to some plane that is more like the world of which I dream. I write to share who I am even if I don't quite know who she is yet.