There must be a light under the bushel!

Zzzzzzzzz's 10/04/03

For as long as I can remember, I've always had the strangest sleeping habits, although I don't think they're very strange.

I think the rest of the world actually has the strange sleeping habits.

When I'm tired, I sleep. When I'm not, I don't.
(Obviously, I don't have children.)

My grandmother would come to visit us for several weeks at a time when I was growing up, and I tended to drive her crazy with my unorthodox sleeping.
"My generation," she would say, "would never have had the time to sleep that you kids do!"

I used to try to explain to her that I didn't sleep any more hours in a day than she did; I just split the time up and slept during different hours.
Her exact response to that is eluding me at the moment, but it was along the lines of "Hogwash!" or "Fiddle-faddle!" although she's never used either of those terms before. However, the meaning was the same and was accompanied by a shrug/grunt combo.

I don't bother trying to explain anymore.

I was married while I was in college, and my ex-husband used to tell me he couldn't wait until I had to work a normal job and adjusted to regular sleeping hours like normal people have. Well, you can see why we're not married any more.

People are always giving me suggestions on how I can fix myself.

My mother, however, has become the champion of my defense. (I think she finally got good and fed up with the ex-husband!).

She has the sleeping habits of all those normal people, but she and my dad often laugh about me as a toddler. (She says it really wasn't funny at the time, though).

When I was about a year and a half, I used to climb out of my crib in the middle of the night and wander around the house. I didn't really get into anything; I just entertained myself. However, it drove them crazy to think of all the mischief I might be getting in without their eagle eyes.

So, they discussed and debated what could be done. They finally came to the grand conclusion that putting fishing net over my crib was the solution. They would just trap me in. But, when the time came to carry it out, they simply couldn't do it. They said that while it sounded like a good plan, they felt like child-abusers when they actually tried to do it.

The house just became painstakingly child-proofed!

Then, as a school-age child, they decided enough was enough. I had to have a normal bedtime. I used to sneak in the hallway and lay behind the couch. I could just poke my head around enough to see the T.V. Of course, they always knew I was there. They tried for a time to battle it out and make me go back to bed. Finally, they gave up and let me fall asleep on the floor. My dad would just carry me to bed once I conked out. They said it was one of their first experiences in learning to pick their battles.

The moral to this story, as my mother likes to tell, is that you simply can't change a person's nature.