My Life

epiphany

I placed this in my journal cause i want it never to be edited and to remember the night i wrote this.

This is a letter i should have sent a long time ago

Not sure what to call this, But I classify this more of emotional epiphany.

Intro:

Some people say we come into this world with a preordained destiny, or a sense of freedom of choice and Free will.

We are all very clear about the expression "freedom of choice and Free will" for we consciously decide our goals and the means to obtain them.

Fate on the other hand is a belief system that assumes life and events are preordained, and our lives are governed by the circumstances of birth and environment over which one has no choice or control.

According to me Destiny thus fulfils itself through one's own action, except that I believe that one acts according to one's nature that is preordained.

If there is no preordained Destiny, or if it changes according to our actions, inaction or involuntary events, what is your scholarly and personal opinion in this matter?

Thoughts:

How is it someone can know you so well, when that person hardly knows you at all. When they can take one look at you and see more in that one instant, then people will ever see. (I guess there was only one way to find out.)

I found a gal, a gal with glass in her eyes. A love so pure that if the world was to end today/that day I would have died a happy man. She still to this day can touch me without arms, or without lips to kiss me with. She still has a heart that I can feel each beat pressed against my chest.

We where the best of friends, as we were lovers. The emotions were honest, real, nothing you could fake or hide. She was so beautiful.

No one ever looked at me the way you did. You didn't see a good looking guy with money. You saw someone with hopes and dreams of their own. You would have followed me anywhere. We only got as far as half a year, but it was the best year of my life. There's nothing in this world that I would give up for that moment of my life I spent with you.

At times I would wonder, this was not what I wanted, this was not what I needed, how could I be so stupid. I would think that I was just another guy at another moment in your life at a different time.

I'm Sorry, I don't have any answer. Not many anyway, probably none that would make you happy.

Why is it we always want to believe in someone when it's just not true? Truth is we don't know people like we think we do. Why do we pretend thing never happened? Yet everyday we see it in their faces. Because we want it the way it was before, yet it can never be.

When you live, we don't live in yesterday, not tomorrow, just now. Always and forever NOW! And for that moment you can feel what it means to be free.

People say opposites attract. We where much alike, maybe too much. I could see it in your eyes; I can still see it as images dance threw my mind. We did live in denial as if it was not happening. But at one moment in time, we held hands like in the movies.

I've been to some places over the past several years. Florida, New York, Louisiana, not everywhere, so I could be wrong. But I think you're probably the most beautiful women in this world.

I know your better then him, or me. I might not be perfect, but I know for the rest of my life, I'd spend it making it up to you. And I would not let one day go by that I didn't make you feel as special as you make me feel.

Today is now, there is no yesterday, there is not tomorrow, and its still today. It's not too late.

All these years I was to blame, yet all I ever said was the truth. I just wanted to know how you felt. I wanted to make you feel as happy as I did. I thought I could at least do that for you. I was wrong, and I am sorry for that. You where my chance, you where my chance at a family and I blew it.

Some people say that people come into our lives destine to leave it. We can grab their arms and tie them down. But best you can hope to do is slow them down a little. Cause there's not holding on tight enough. You just can't stop some people.

I was yours, you where mine. You where my chance and I blew it. I'm sorry.

When you live, we don't live in yesterday, not tomorrow, just now. Always and forever now.

Things take time, but I can't Waite forever.

I'm sorry Aubrey
I'm sorry

P.s. My beloved is mine and I am hers
I will remember this always and forever.
Because Real love is forever!