Rants on lit. from Guatemala

Fear of love

Music: None, i´m listening to the rain today. Also it´s very late, so... i get screamed at if i play or listen to anything.

Read: "Pandora" from Anne Rice, i like this writer, shame it´s all about the gothic scene now...

I don´t really know why, but i think it´s true. Everybody seems afraid of love. Afraid of how complicated it must become. Every aspect of it, becomes (due, i think, to the very nature of human beings) tangled in on itself.

I´ve had a lot of friends... and everyone at one time or another has lost faith in love. I don´t exclude myself from this feeling. *lights a cigarette*

i think everything comes down to "fear of intimacy", the fear of being so dependent on someone that you loose yourself in your need. If you loose your sense of self fighting for someone else, is this bad?

Maybe it is fear of what you thought up in your mind, not matching what you have in reallity... but that would be a shame, it would be a sin to negate the fact that you are not in love with yourself (another one of this so called... mental masturbation) but with another human being.

when you have loved and they have let you down, or even when you still love someone and chanel it throw sexual desire, or you have to fight to convince yourself that you love your husband... everything seems to emanate from the same sourse... fear. Fear that you will never be loved, fear that you will be cheated again, or fear that you can´t express love in a proper maner. Is this all so complicated?

And this tangle of feelings... is it worth all the trouble? or is it just another of our self indulgent, arrogant, ilusory perseption of our high species thought?

Everything evolvs, and in doing so we get farther and farther away from what makes us human... looking for humanity we loose it in the process...

Love is really simple then. Go back, retur to where we all lost our path and mend it. Fix it god damn it!

but we cant... it seems we are all lost in these sea of faceless, loveless existence.