Distant Voices

Hate My MAMA errrrrrrrrgh!

My mom and I were sitting and watching T.V when I noticed my 3 year old beating up my 1 year old and my 1 year old not crying. So I made a comment about it to my mom saying "She's so tough! she wont even cry when her sister beats her." so my mom says "She is scared to cry!" I was like "huh?!" and my mom sat there and told me that since my 1 year old was such crier when she was littel and I had such a hard time with her, and probably my fustration and anger although not shown towards my kid but felt made her fear of crying. Basically she said I psychologically scared my kid from crying so that she doesn't upset me, and she will put up with any beatings or falls even though it hurts she wont cry.

I was so shocked by this and for the past 5 days I was feeling like a failure as a mother. I couldn't belive I would do such a thing to my child, I mean did I verbally abuse her, does she really fear crying cuz she doesn't want to make mommy angry!

I spoke to my husband about this he said it was complete bullshit that any mom who had a baby that cried so much would by the end of the day feel fustrated and none of them had any psychological problems. Which made sense and I even spoke to Anood about it and she said the same thing basically.

So AGAIN I HATE MY FUCKING MOM, for five days I been going through such a guilt trip.

On top of that yesterday we had my 1 year old birthday party and my 1 month old baby kept crying and crying and my 1 year old had a fever and so she was crying my mom sat their and watched me try to handle to crying babies who wanted me to hold them and I couldn't hold both instead of helping me out.

BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH.

Other than that at least my kid got a very nice birthday party, which was very overwhelming and she got scared with all the singing and people kissing her, but she was happy anyway.