My sweet Love, My eternal pain.

again.

My Dearest,
We fought again today. maybe I shouldn't have said anything to anybody. Maybe You are right about that. Maybe what I said was the truth though. I told you yesterday that I thought HE is manipulating you. You didn't deny it. there are lots of things lately that you should be really pissed off about, but you skip them....don't even deny them or anything, and get pissed about something that wouldn't matter all by itself.
I hate myself more every time you and I fight. especially when I start it. I see more fighting ahead of us though. just because you have given up on life does not mean that I have given up on you.
or was that just supposed to be a guilt free way to get me to back away from you? YOU have altogether too much around you to give up. YOU KNOW IT.
something that pissed me off. in your letter...
you go out of your way to blame the way you are on the shit that's happened to you in this life... You also tend to blame "fate" or "Karma" what'd I ever do before to deserve such bad karma...

STOP IT.
it ain't bad karma, you didn't earn this punishment from another lifetime...it is circumstance, and the fact that actions have reactions.

take it all as the cards fall...ONE DEMON AT A TIME, my love. quit letting some little thing here be an excuse to do this or that. QUIT letting your excuse be an excuse to feel bad, and quit letting feeling bad be an excuse to do some little thing.....
YOU ARE currently caught in what is called a viscious circle. one thing causes thing 2, followed by #3, which leads back to thing 1.

break the goddamn cycle.
if you're too damn weak to do it for yourself, do it for the butterfly.
get your priorities straight....clean house on the fucking evil in your life, anything that might possibly be hurting you...OR HER.....YOU KNOW WHAT THESE THINGS ARE....I ain't got to tell you, and they are your excuses not to try...

Why am I on your shit about this? two reasons....I love you. that's one. the other is that I can't stand to see wasted potential...goes hand in hand with needless waste.

I'm sorry if this pisses you off....not what I'm setting out to do. I would like to point all of this out to you though. either call me or e-mail me, my cell is turned on again, you know the number. I'll try to keep the conversation away from you and I. on one or the other, maybe, but off of the combination.
regardless of what happens tomorrow in my surgery, I will always love you baby.
I have had some pretty fucked up feelings about "it" though....shit that just won't go away.

AS for me, there is a whole lot in my past that you don't know about, shit that would piss off the pope...a whole shitload of bad things that have "happened to me" I ain't letting them drag me down, and I don't think much about them anymore...not since you set me free of the worst (as far as wasting my time goes) of the batch.
those things poisoned my waters for altogether too long, and I simply refuse to waste my energies on them anymore.

they are in the past, where they belong...
as always, my sweetest to you and the butterfly..

-Angus