The Thought's of Me!

Friends And Unclear Emotions

YES!! 50 dollars baby! For only working about 7 hours or so!! *Does happy dance* Now...it may not seem like a lot. But to me...it is!! Especially since I'm totally broke!

Okay....here is something I don't think I've mentioned before.

I love my friends. Every single damn one of them!!To the ones I met back in 4th grade...to the new ones I met this year. However...there are some that I happen to love more than others. Just because I talk to them more, and I know them better. If I ever lost one of my friends...I'd die. Either my heart would die...or I'd be in so much pain I'd kill myself.

I've already lost enough friends. Thankfully...I had ANOTHER friend there to help me through the pain.
I'd do anything to protect my friends. Even if it meant losing my life. All I want is to see them happy. Sometimes I have to ignore my own emotions to make sure they are happy. But I don't really mind it. To see them smiling and laughing. Well...that just makes me about 200% better.

But...with all this friendship love...I've hit a small bump. Okay...not a small bump..a HUGE bump. I have these certain...well...emotions I guess you could call them. Try as I might...I can't seem to figure them out! It's confusing,tiring, and is becoming unhealthy. I've stopped eating, stopped talking a whole lot with my family, and believe it or not, some of my friends.
I just sit..and think...and sit..and think.

But, for some reason, I always come back to the same solution. But it's not a solution!! I fall asleep thinking about this! I have dream...nightmares really...about this!

So the 3 major questions that have been running through my head lately. What do you do when you want to tell somebody something...but you can't bring yourself to do it? What happens when you start feelings things that you can't figure out? And last but not least... Why the hell I'm a feeling these stupid ass "emotions"!!!!!!

I'm calm...no really...I am.

Goddess.....no...actually I'm not! I'm upset. Really upset. This isn't good. Why is this happening to me?

Alright Anya...deep breath's. Don't start hyper-
ventalating. *Throws something at a wall* SEE?!?! That doesn't help. I'm still angry!!

I seriously need to calm down! This isn't helping my health. Or my mentality.

GRRRR.....Why the hell is this happening to me? Is is me? Is it because something I did? Or said?
Okay...I need to calm down....before I do something really, really stupid.