Completed Works

I Didn't Know

To discover the truth you should have seen and being unable to deal...


"You are my best friend. I don't think I can ever live without you. I'm sorry that I haven't called sooner but I've been busy. Too busy. But I need to say this. I need to tell you what I'm feeling. I need to hear from you. I need you to tell me what went wrong.
"You are married to my best friend and that is how we came to get along so well. I enjoy every moment in your company...you brighten my day. I think you're the only one who can make me laugh. We have so much fun together we're more like family than friends.
"Your daughter is so big now, I saw her at the store the other day. She smiled at me but she looked sad. I couldn't cheer her up. She drifted away. I purchased my soup and left, thinking of you. So that is why I came today.
"I can't believe how long it's been since the last time we spoke. It seems like only yesterday we took that night class together. Remember? The Art Of Basket Weaving at the Community College. My basket looked like it had been runover by a car, yours looked like a professional handmade piece of art. You gave me yours and I gave you one from the store. I still have it. It sits on my dresser to remind me that despite our differences we are still friends.
"I sat in the dark last night and thought about all the years we have been together. I don't know why I didn't see it before. I guess I am saying I'm sorry. I was so willfully ignorant, believing our friendship would last forever. I dreamt what all friends dream: friends forever, never to part, even in death, you remain in my heart.
"I remember when you gave birth to Ellie, your beautiful daughter. And after that Tommie, your sweet little boy. They are so big now that I feel old, but not as old as you must feel. Thank you for comforting me when I realized I could never have kids. Thank you for letting me treat yours like my own. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder.
"I just want to say I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you to cry on, to lean on. My career just took off, soon after my husband did. He left in autumn, remember? Of course, you were there, being who you are and helping me along. I couldn't believe they made me partner instead of you. But you have a family, ties that keep you from travelling. But you are so supportive. You always are.
"I just couldn't see how my two best friends could be less than perfect. I just couldn't see how much life was taking it's toll on you. I don't understand why you didn't tell me.
"I guess I should have been able to tell. You had lost a lot of weight, but you said you were dieting. At first you looked good. Then, I guess I chose not to see how truly thin you were getting. You kept wearing those silly hats. Day in and day out. I thought you were setting a trend, making a statement. But you were losing your hair.
"Why didn't you tell me? Why? I would have understood. I would have helped you, I would have prayed, I would have been there. Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you write?
"Why didn't I see the signs? I flew to France and I sat in the plane next to an annoying man and a tired old woman and I thought of romance and love. You sat in a doctors office beside your husband and heard about your cancer. Cancer! Why didn't you tell me then?
"Because I called from France and told you about the scenery. I called and told you how happy I was. And you listened. And you laughed and told me to bring you something.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I was blind, that I didn't see the truth. I'm so sorry I wasn't half the friend you were to me.
"And I am so sorry I missed your funeral. I sat in Europe in a hotel room and drank champagne with some man I don't even remember. I got the call the next day. My mom told me. You were gone. Cancer, she said and it all hit me. The weight loss, the hats, the sickness, the saddness. I am so sorry! So sorry! I didn't know."