The Thought's of Me!

Parents And THEIR Problems

Most of the stories I've read about "bad" children always start off with abusive parents. My parents have never hit ME.

I guess I've known for quite a while that my dad is an acoholic. I remember many years back, one night in particular, actually I remember many nights when my dad would come home drunk and I was already asleep. I could hear my parents fighting.

One night, he hit her. I could hear her crying and running to the bathroom. I just sat there in my bed, crying, I couldn't move. I couldn't force myself to get up and close the door. I was helpless, just laying there listening to my dad yell, and my mom scream horrific things back at him. There was a lot of name calling, back then I didn't know what most of those words meant. She locked herself in their bathroom but I could still hear them. In his frustration my dad hit the door down. I could still hear her crying and him yelling.

Then it died down, my dad seemed to have taken control of his temper. They talked, and he said how much he loved her, and that he promised he would stop drinking. He never kept his promise.

Many other nights I would wake up to them fighting. She would start crying and lock herself in her room, and he would storm out of the house. Or sometimes it was her who would storm out of the house. I never thought that my parents would actually get a divorce. But one night, I was proven wrong.

I woke up again to the sounds of my parents fighting. But this night was different, they seemed to be talking about how they never shouldn't have gotten married and had kids. My mom said the only reason she married him was because she had been pregnant with me.
This got my dad even more angry and they continued to argue. It settled down a little but they were still yelling at each other.

Then, my mom came in my room, told me to get up, get dress and get in the car. As soon as I got in the car my mom came outside, put my little brother in and got in herself. We drove off, leaving my dad behind. We drove to my aunt's house.

We were almost there when my mom said that they might be getting a divorce. I could almost feel my heart break. She said I would have to decide who to live with. I didn't answer, and she must have understood because she didn't say anything else. My parents never did end up getting a divorce, but I think someday they just might.

I've learned other things about my parents also. My dad had an affair. I don't know if it was when they were married or just dating. My mom also went half way across the world, to England, to meet up with a guy she met on the internet. I don't know what all happened to him, or what happened while she was over there. I just know that my dad won't ever let her go back to England.

My parents still continue to fight, but not as much anymore. I'm pretty sure they are trying to work out their marriage. Sometimes they manage to drag me and my brother into their fights. They don't seem to realize how much their fighting effects me and my brother.

Sometimes I think they are taking their anger out on me. A while back, many a nights would I be found gently crying myself to sleep. As much as I hate to admit it now, it's true.

I guess that is why I'm such a tough person on the inside. I don't really believe in love. I thought my parents cared for each other so much, but their love has faltered. They both have really bad tempers. And I find that I do also.

What is stopping me from ending up like my parents? Is my love life going to end up a bitter tradgy? I guess for now, I can continue to dream, and hope that whatever the future has in store, it'll be bright.