Murder Scenes that make you laugh

Her Maiden Name was Sparky

I woke up with a horrible sore throat this morning...so ive been drinking white hot coffee to return the favor of not being able to swallow without wincing. My esophagus is currently cooperating. However, my genitals...

Jessi...Jessi Jessi Jessi...

she went to a local show last night and dedicated her beating up some skeezy stoner for me in the pit. *Punch Punch* Move Stoner Boy! *groin kick*. She's such a lamb, and yes of course i abuse her, only with words. My hetero-sexual cohort will take care of the physical molestation and abuse, tee hee.

So two days ago me and Jessica were busy trying to figure out why our guitar pedals were sucking the life out of her crappy batteries. We have this universal plug and she exclaimed...

"This plug is supposed to be universal..."

and me being the complete asshole and total perve that i am, with such quick wit and evil train of thought retorted...

"Kind of like you and dicks, right?"

But this is not the only instance, ive previously stated before...

"Jessi, you go through ciggarettes like you do men..."

See, the amusing part of this situations is that Jessi is straightedge. Those who dont know what that is, it's basically this: no drinking, no smoking, no drugs, and no fucking. Ontop of it all, shes a Vegetarian. But she's not the kind that will beat you up cause you dont believe in what she does, she's actually smart and understands you can't really judge anyone by what they believe, that its the person on the inside that counts. Such a lamb.

Ah yes, something i must do...most of the random jargon that has or will come up in this journal of mine, some of it must be accredited to my best friend, life time stunt man, hetero-sexual cohort and the most psychotic caniving bastard i know...Austin. So if i blut something out, its something me and him have most likely discussed.

Ah yes, ive told you about OCD Man and Conana the Feminarian, but ive got a new freak to add to the Corporate Carnival. This one is Total Recall Man. You know those psychic mutants that are in Total Recall, that have the melted faces and such. Well this guy, he kinda looks like one of them, except he is in the early stages of face meldation. Apparently he's had some "clean" air in his life. I wonder if i opened his shirt would a fetus merge out of his stomach and tell me my future and if so, could i rub it for good luck...

I might just get a cameo in a movie...

I dreamed that Christopher Walken merged his roles of "Hickey" and "Gabriel" to become a Gun-Toting Family Killing Angel Bent out on the Destruction of the World...and he encountered Simon LeBon entering a Gay strip club. My hate for Mr. LeBon runs deep. "Hungry like the Wolf"...seriously...wtf. As ive stated before, i hope he gets the kind of attention a strayed Gay Pride Activist wearing a rainbow tie dye t-shirt would get if he happened to run into a large pack of neo-nazi anti-socialisit skin heads. And thats the kind of attention Christopher Walken gave Mr. LeBon, forwarding my Hero-Status to now God-Like.

Youz da man Chris, youz da Man.