My Life as an Anime

Trip Through Memory Lane [06-07-02]

Everyone has been reflecting a lot lately on their lives. They don't give a lot of details, just certain ones. I think I should do the same.. but I'm going to try to cover a lot of stuff, and reflect more of my own personal feelings as well as the old memories. The people who inspired me to do this are going to be hitting themselves in the head with a hammer. Indeed, they will regret ever sparking an interest for me to do this. Haha!

So.. let's take a trip into James' weird life! I tried to put the "timeline" (if you will) in order, although some events may have happend inbetween and during others. I did my best.

This is a VERY LONG entry. If you don't like LONG entries, then you might wanna go find something else to read. For those who truely want to know more about me, then read away!


I see my grandparents' farm
That's the first memory I have. As many of you know, I have some sort of amnesia, so I'm losing my old memories. I've seen pictures of stuff that I've done as a child (even watched "home movies" of myself) but they are not there in my mind. It's just a blurr before this. Even now, this is a bit of a blurr..but I see myself playing throughout the farm. I see myself playing with water guns, smileing, laughing, and swinging on the hand-made swing that my grandfather had made for us when he was home (he was away on business a lot). I also see the time that I hand-made a bookshelf (which I still have.. although I never made it big enough for the books so it's more used as a stand now) It was a wonderful time.

I see the time my father went to Korea on a year-long TDY and my family and I moved to the farm to stay
That was the first TRUE time that I had to live on my own without my father. Even the other TDYs were usually NOT a year long. It was hard, and I had to go to school there--which was an odd expirence. But you would have thought I'd be used to it, since I moved a lot (military folks always do). I think this is the time that I "grew up" prematurely and gave up the rest of my childhood.

I see the time I moved to Hawaii
I see a lot of the places I've been too in Hawaii. Beautiful. I also see the friends I made there. Jerry, Cameron, Tolan... the original three. We had some good times, that's for sure.

I see the MiniClan
And myself as the malicious, twisted, evil, Saber. One wouldn't even think I HAD a dark side, but yet that was revealed here... at least at first. While the MiniClan was the first time I "roleplayed" online, it was corrupt (at least, it corrupted me) and a lot of BAD things (I feel) happend that shouldn't have happend. Now it's a long-standing joke with those who know about it, like Tolan. But at the time that "Saber" ran through, evading bans, and otherwise causing trouble and spite.. it was a very troubleing time. Let that be a warning to those who think I'm always nice--I'm not. I have a VERY bad side to me.. and if you make me mad enough, you WILL regret it. [Of course, those who were in #dbzrpg at the time know this when I got Falcon K-lined for 8 months on THREE differnet servers!]

I see the time I moved to New Mexico
That was sad. I had to move away from my friends and begin anew ALL OVER again. That's ALWAYS hard, no matter what anyone ever says. The good thing is, I was able to keep in touch with everyone, at least at first. Jerry and Cameron seemed to disappear into nothingness after the first year or so (but Tolan still keeps in touch with Jerry and I still keep in touch with Tolan. I don't know what happend to Cameron)...

I see Ruben, Andy and Scott
Ruben was the first friend I had made in Portales. I remember we were in the same Biology class, and we happend to get onto the subject of games (or something like that) and it just went from there. I actually got to know someone else, Jared, through Ruben and then Jared introduced me to Andy and Andy introduced me to Scott. It's sort of funny like that. WE had an awesome time while they were there. Ruben moved to Clovis, and Andy graduated. Scott graduated the same year as me, and we continued to have fun even after Andy and Ruben were gone.

I see Leona & Ida
I won't forget them. I'd write more here, but I don't think anyone would care to read it =P

I see my grandparents' farm...again
I returned the summer after a year of being in Portales. The first hour I was there I somehow managed to slam a 100+ pound door on my left ring-finger. Surpriseingly, it did NOT hurt at ALL. Nor did I flinch, make any moan of pain (or even surprise). I just looked at it, and then managed to get the door off. The finger healed within a week or so--almost like magic. It has always been like this though. I once cut the edge of my left eye (if it had been even 1/2 of an inch closer, I probably would have been blind) but it healed completely (it had a scar for less than a few months then 'magically' healed completely) without any doctor interference. Same as when I sliced my leg up really bad on barb wire. Throughout all of these instanaces, I didn't even flinch, or feel pain. I don't know what it is about the farm, but it seems to have almost 'magical' properties. Animals that are taken care of on the farm (such as the horses we had) were WAY past their prime, and two dogs that my grandparents used to have lived much longer than anyone would have thought. In fact, when you heard the ages of the dogs you would have taken a second glance (the ages were near 15 or 16 for each of them. 1 dog year is 7 years of human, so technically these dogs were 105 to 112 years old! Those dogs out-lived most humans!)

I see my grandfather getting lymphnomic cancer
Unfornantly, the so-called 'magical' properties that the farm may have held didn't work here. While it was amazing feat that my grandfather had been smoking for over 60 years and didn't have a trace of it on his lungs, it was heart breaking when they told him he only had a few months to live due to the deadly lymphnomic cancer. Still, my grandfather is a fighter and a very strong one. He survived way past the date the doctors had set, and even regained the ability to walk (with a cane though). It was a very trying time for all of us... one that is STILL going on through today.

I see Matt, Chauncey, Jenni, and other friends
Ironically, after Ruben and Andy were gone I found people to fill the gap. The "Lunch-Gumi" (the name I dubbed them) continued on. It's STILL being carried on to this day, actually. Andy has found a college version of the Lunch-Gumi, and Matt passed the torch onto Randall, whom I met through Chauncey (or was it Matt?). Of course, when it came to Jenni.. it wasn't any secret that I had a crush on her. Since sophmore year on, I would be a puddle of goo anytime she was near. Even people in #DBZRPG knew it, which is pretty bad. Some of the teachers realized it, which was even worse. Yet, it wasn't meant to be and I've come to terms with that. We've become close friends, and I think I've told her things that I've never told any other living being. I'm grateful that I had the chance to know her in person, and that I am able to continue to know her even 1200 miles away.

I see #DBZRPG
Oh yes. You knew it was coming sooner or later! Some of the BEST moments of my life were forged in the fires of my IRC channel. BUT.. this isn't MY #dbzrpg that I'm talking about! This is the ORIGINAL DALnet channel I stumbled in one day. It was ran by a person named Gohan_san, and had a bot that eventually made me motivated enough (out of spite, I admit) to make my own. I don't remember much else about this channel. I know that I tried to DM once and I got chewed out.. it's amazing that I ever pursued my dream of hosting my own RPG and GMing.

I see #VampD
My first RPG channel. I laugh now, thinking about it. Kent (Tenrou) and Terry (Cal) were both members, and I believe we all met in the #DBZRPG. I don't know why Kent and Terry followed me and joined my RPG but I'm thankful. It was in #VampD that I made OddBotX, my first IRC bot. A piece of junk, I admit, but it was something. After a year (maybe two) of this, #VampD became #RPGQuest and was eventually corrupted and taken over by Stamo and someone else. So, the good members and I moved to begin making my #DBZRPG and the Kaiou that everyone knows and loves today.

I see my #DBZRPG and Kaiou
Both loves of my lives. Haha, that's wrong to love a channel as much as I do this one. As mentioned above, some of the best memories of my life were made in this channel.. and I don't think I've ever met so many people that had so many of the same interests as I have here. True, that there HAVE been trying times (Falcon, the whole GM split, then everyone vs Tobias) but those incidents don't make the channel any less special for me.

I see McDonald's
And all the times I worked there (including those horrible 11 hour shifts that I used to pull). I remember how much time it used to eat away.. how much my time to spend with friends went down and how unhappy I became. I don't know when or why, but somewhere between the time I got my job to now, my happiness level just dropped off to almost nothing. I did make some friends here though, like Anthony, Adrian, CJ (and Amalia, Carollyn, who were from school) I worked hard at this job, got myself promoted to Crew Trainer, Crew Chief, Training Manager, and I would have been promoted Shift Manager (had I stayed) all within a year of work. Pretty fast, eh? But that doesn't come without a price (nothing ever does).

I see Mr. Rackler
If someone wanted to describe him to you, he or she would probably say "Mr. Rackler is like a brick wall that knows how to operate computers." He almost never smiled, and he WAS the enforcement of the school, no matter WHAT the principal thought. I remember laughing at the times that he went over the principal's head, and the principal couldn't do anything about it. I was in all of his computer classes, and I think around the Intermediate class I realized I had surpassed his base knowledge. I was a faster typist, I knew a lot more about the general stuff than he did. He still knew more about networks, and still knew more about certain things than I did, but it was rare when I finally learned something that I didn't already know (or learned from Mr. House). Kinda funny. Not everyone is bad all the time though. I know he put on the 'bad' look almost all the time, but I was one of the few students who got to see him laugh (and I caused him to laugh on occasion).

I see Mr. House
The only way I can tell people about, and how to describe Mr. House is to say: think about Obi-wan Kenobi from the Attack of the Clones movie, add some weight, and make his knowledge about Computers/Networks rather than the Force. There you go. He loved to laugh, and he was extremely good at his job. He managed the network for the entire town. It was rare that I didn't learn something from him (haha, you could compare this to Anakin and Obi-wan, Padawan to Master) but there were times when I actually taught HIM something (rare though). Two times I amazed and taught him something was: When we were learning how to link databases into webpages (I was the person who figured it out within minutes. I remember him telling me to look it over and see if I could come up with any ideas on how to make it work, while he went to back up some files. He wasn't gone for even 5 minutes when I figured it completely out--and it was the first time I've ever even LOOKED at something like this!), and when I made a chatroom that could bypass the block he had set up (there was a block on the network so chat sites couldn't be accessed). While Mr. House and Mr. Rackler looked like they were arguing and never standing to be together in the same place, they were friends and it showed if you looked hard enough.

I see Jr/Sr Prom #1
The theme was "Through the Ages" and I had a custom suit made for me by Scott's mom (another Scott, not #dbzrpg's Scott) based on an 18th century suit. Personally, I think I was the best dressed male there. Haha. It was a blast. I went with friends. They had video games set up (80s!) and I ended up playing those most of the night. I did dance with Amalia, Nicole, and Rachel (ever get the sense you know too many people?) and saw Iysha (woo! but I didn't get a dance with her. ;_;) and spent time talking with various people. Mostly playing video games though--I literally dominated Pac Man. Haha.

I see Mrs. Chacon
My math teacher for my Sophmore and Senior years. The best math teacher I've ever had period. She could teach like none other, and I always understood what she said.

I see IRC Online (IRCO)
Excellent idea by yours truely. Yes, that's my ego talking there, but c'mon! It was the FIRST (as far as I know) actual IRC Mud where you could walk around, fight monsters, gain levels, and have a GREAT time. Unfornantly, it never became very popular and a lot of other things that came up during the production (and running) made me abandon it. I had it up online for people to download, but since xoom.com went out of the hosting services it's been sitting on my HD untouched. I think I gave it to Glenn and Raith to mess around with, but I don't know if either one of them plans to ever do anything with it. Actually, I think Raith said he was improving, adding, and learning with it. It was a weird expirence.. and I took a lot of valuable information from IRCO that I am still using whenever I script new stuff. So I guess it wasn't ALL bad. I love being the pioneer for something new. :)

I see Mrs. Brooks
The new government teacher. She was a blast to be around, and was laughing all the time. She actually cared for her students, more-so than most teachers that I got to know. She always had computer problems, and I always fixed them. The perfect equilibrium. Anyway, I heard recently that she isn't the government teacher anymore because she wasn't a "coach" in some sport. That sort of makes me sick, since "coaching" teachers generally don't care as much for their normal students as she would have.

I see my car accident
I don't need to explain much here. Because of this, my parents are STILL paying the insurance off on it, and I no longer drive. Simple as that. Moving on..

I see Jr/Sr Prom #2
This time the theme was "After the Rain" --a theme that was suppose to include lots of green foresty type things, thus the name would make sense. Ironically, it did rain and even more ironic (can you believe this?) the prom ended around the same time the rain had quit. I went to prom in a traditional Japanese hakama (the ancient uniform of the Samurai) and danced with Karen and Megan. Afterwards, Scott and I bugged Andy at Wal-mart (where he works) at 3 or so in the morning. Humerous, to say the least. You can read more about Prom by going to this URL: http://iyouboushi.diaryland.com/05_19_01.html

I see Graduation
The end of the beginning, so to say. It was a sad day, but a joyous one at the same time. I don't know what else to write about it. You can read more about Graduation day here: http://iyouboushi.diaryland.com/05_21_01.html

I see Moving Time
Sigh. I knew the day would come, and here it finally did. I was moving away from everything I knew in Portales--everything I forged around me for four long hard years--to go to Florida. I was planning on going to the University of West Florida (only to find out I couldn't afford it) and start all over (which is way too hard). Goodbye all the chances I could have had there (such as getting an actual job working for Mr. House, doing the things I enjoyed most), Hello nothing. More about the actual move can be read here: http://iyouboushi.diaryland.com/06_19_0129.html

I see classes
Bah. I didn't go to UWF, instead I went to some Community College. I took three classes total--two math, and one english-- and learned absolutely NOTHING. I could have TAUGHT those classes myself. That's how much of a waste it was for me. And the only 'friend' (if you can say that) I made was an older (but looked younger) woman who was married. Sigh.

I see myself changing
No, you weirdo, not like that. I mean, I am now forgiving people that less than 2 years ago I said I'd NEVER forgive (like Syric/Falcon). I dunno why, perhaps just the knowledge that you shouldn't hold grudges and that 'not everyone lives forever' and I don't want to leave life with grudges tainting my soul. My 'advice' to people is changing as well. I don't know how to describe that, though, so I'll just leave it at that.

I see last night (June 06, 2002)
I went with my parents to help them set up the McDonald's POP (point of purchase) stuff. I really don't understand why I went, but seeing as how I used to do POP stuff while my dad was in Saudi (and I was working at the Portales McDonald's at the time, of course) I felt some sort of weird calling. Anyway, when we got there I saw various women working.. and I looked at them, peered into their eyes, read their souls. That is when it finally hit me. Why was I even bothering with that? Did I truely believe that looking is going to solve anything? It doesn't, and I think at that moment I decided "I'm not looking anymore." So, regardless of how I may feel, and how I may want to feel certain emotions/connections, I'm not going to physically look any longer. So other than coming to that resolve, I did help with the POP, and it took two hours to get it all up. It would have taken a shorter time, but we spent some of our time trying to get some console thing that had two computers and an N64 trying to work. We got the N64 working, but the computers were shot. Probably hit by the massive lightning that this insane town produces.

I see now
A lot of things are going on now. My grandfather has lung cancer, my grandmother just got out of tripple bypass surgery. My father is leaving to go TDY on Sunday (leaving me to take care of the house, and everything he did). I am broke, but my spirit lingers.. barely. The plans for Andy to come down and visit are almost non-existant (and dare I say impossible), and it doesn't look like anything is going to change. The only thing I have to go for me now is #DBZRPG and my new project (which is only about 2% done).

I see the future...sort of
Ok, so no one can REALLY see ALL of the future ("Always in motion, the future is") but there's some things I WANT to get done. I WANT Andy to get down here. I wish Scott could make it too. Being here without seeing my friends in the flesh is killing me. Hfil, I wish I could just find a way back to Portales (that would be the easiest way) so I could see EVERYONE instead of just a select few. I WANT to make my Jedi cosplay outfit finished (getting started is a good place to begin)... and of course, the longing to feel things that I havn't felt yet (like being in a relationship.. one where I could hold hands, and talk personally face to face).. but that's just a given. And lastly, I think my last 'want' is to get into UWF so I can actually LEARN something and get a degree. Any other "GOAL" of mine can be found in a backentry of the Livejournal. Just search through the entries, it shouldn't be too far down.


Oh well. There are some things that I guess I won't expirence until later. I can't say "I remember the time I had my first kiss" because.. of course.. I havn't had one. Haha. Anyway, that's the life of me, thus far. Hopefully it'll continue for awhile longer.