....Title.....

Lovely Lovely Tuesday

Tuesday May 28,2002

Status:
Friends:good
Day:pretty good, didnt feel like sleeping until I got GA's house
Father:still havent talked
Countdown:this week next week and 3 days of finals
Propects:didnt see him today
H.w.:not so bad, 2 worksheets in math, 20 some questions in science
but guess what? I forgot to bring the packet home Ughhhhh!
Oh wait, theres a whole shitload of questions for the final review
in resource, I dont have all the questions because I has helping
Mrs. Gonzalez, theres about 130 something questions
Life:3 boring but busy (cool straight b's
Boring But
Busy, hehe. :)

After I logged out of Stories I had to finish that damn chapter 1-6 review for math, I dont think I actually stopped working until like one or two, after that i'm pretty sure I didnt sleep. My sleep was broken and jagged, I distinctly remember waking up when it began to rain and let me tell u I dont usually do that. I just remember trying to fall asleep a lot. Surprisingly though I wasnt as tired as other days where I have gotten more sleep. I think the trick is not to fall asleep in the car or at GA's house. I didnt go to sleep in the car cuz I was finishing decorating the candybars for the the 1950's project. and then i tried to finish my math h.w. I still didnt finish and thankfully there was traffic so I got to do the ones I left blank last night and the ones I thought I did wrong. I was much more clear than I was last night. I still didnt get to finish but I think the most I got wrong, like the absolute most is 5 or 6, which out of the number of problems there were should be at least a B. BUt I think I only got like 3 or 4 wrong, who knows, and personally right at this second I could really care less. I gotta go print out my heroin paper and type up my notes for my part in the decade project tommo. And finish the classwork we had on friday in L.A. Its really not all that bad.
Damn the days are passing by slowly and so quicky. Slowly because the work never seems to end, and quicky because as each day ends so does seeing all my friends regularly. the end of school is right around the corner u could just touch it. Im going to miss my friends so much but at the same time I think deep down inside I want this change or atleast I wanted it a few months ago.
I haven't written anything in ages, I'm not sure if its writers block or just not having enough time. My friend Emily is having writers block which means she hasnt been able to add anything to her short story Adventures and Misadventures, I realllllllly like that story its super CUTE. U guys have to check it out, look under Emily and in her short stories folder I believe or write her and ask her to send u the link of the Adventures and MIsadventures story. Anywho, today in lunch, my muse sent me a spark and because of my lack of paper and since my bookbag was in Mrs.GOnzalez's room cuz YR and me were going back to help her after lunch I had no where to write it. My friend LDLA took a little too long to give me paper more like she was asking me why I needed it instead of just giving it to me, u see since its the end of the year everyone is dangerously low in supplies, there hasnt been a day where someone hasnt asked me for paper or a pen or I them. well anywho I lost my spark, it was something about how when I have nothing, no hands are outstretched but when I have more hands seem to appear from no where. If ur actually interested in an explanation do write and me and I'll be glad to tell u, but no one will ask me because no one has seen this journal, it has been days since someone has looked at my stuff :(. ANd since I'm pretty much known for my longass entries no one will probably read my journal anyways. *sigh Oh Well. I must tend to the nagging little voice that is telling me to practice the piano today. For some reason, out of the blue, this intense like for my mom has come about me. I have no idea why, its not that I didnt like her before its just now I'm giving her more hugs and actually talking to her in the car and can u believe it I actually want to practice so I wont let her or my piano teacher down. Even though it annnoys me to play the piano I know that deep deep deep deep down inside somewhere reallllly far away from where anyone can see even me there is some like towards the damned thing. I really dont like letting me down especially people like teachers. My piano teacher is so nice and she's really cool and I hate to see her disappointed in me.
The only thing that sux about being a type of person that is considered a goody two shoes is that when u feel like letting ur hair down, u cant because u have an image to uphold or is it withhold. I know u must be saying 'WHo gives a rats ass about what people think" but the thing is that.....oh I dont know how to explain myself. Lets say that I wanted to dye my hair purple, people would be like 'Poetessa thats not like u' well actually dying my hair purple is something that the people who know me best wouldnt or rather shouldnt be surprised. OK a real life example is when I decided to paint my nails black all of a sudden people were like 'Are you a rocker' just because my nails were black. they were like "look whos turning rocker on us", I'm not turning into anything just because I paint my nails black, yes I do like rock but it is not the only thing I like. Which reminds me I was going to do a cd of songs of the 50's for tommo and guess what I havent even started dling and f*** LL's comp isnt working so its not like she could do it for me, I'm just going to have to ask JB. I hope she can. I wish I could keep on trying to explain to u the twisted thoughts in my head, although today they weren't all that twisted, but I have a whole lot of shit pending and theres one thing thats at the top of list GET SOME SLEEEEEEP TONIGHT.
Au revoir,
Poetessa

Later that night....
Its 11 something and as usual I have yet to finish all my h.w. Just wanted to add a few things.I'm not sure if I mentioned this above, if i did oh well. Last night after "almost" finishing my math h.w. one of thoughts were 'I hope I dont wake up tommo' I mean REALLY. School is making me not want to wake up meaning die in my sleep. AND I'm only in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Now I know why Harvard has the most suicides or something. I mean yea I have thought of suicide before but it was becuase of other reasons but I'm pretty sure school had to do with atleast .5% of it. Right now I'm numb to all the f***ing shit I have to do, WE have 7 count them 7 more f***ING days of school left...WEd. thrus. fri. mond. tues. wed. thrus. friday sorry 8 and then 3 days of exams and dont u think the h.w. would be less and we would have the reviews for the finals? NO of course not, of course f***ing not. I hate my f***ing procrastination and maybe I did spend a little too much time on stories today and everyother day but guess what i need my ME time, the time where I do whatever the f*** I wanna do, if not I'm liable to go insane. I'm not going to give up writing in my journal just because of all my h.w. HELL NO!!!! But u know I'm blaming the teachers just a little bit the rest I'm blaming it on my sorry ass because of my procrastination but dont think I should get all the f***ing blame, I"M ONLY 14 u know. AND GUESS WHAT? ON THE LAST DAYS ON WHICH I WILL BE AN 8TH GRADER, I CANT SPEND TIME WITH THE FRIENDS THAT I MIGHT NEVER SEE AGAIN because of my stupidity and the teachers crazy assingments. I think I'm on the verge of tears but guess what my eyes are dry, I'm not going to cry, NOpe atleast not yet. maybe when i get my report card and see I've gone from straight a's all 3 semesters to b's and OMG no plz C's. Whatever man, I'm trying ok, but like they say maybe my best just isnt good enough.