\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
    November     ►
SMTWTFS
     
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
Archive RSS
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/books/entry_id/169434-nights
Item Icon
\"Reading Printer Friendly Page Tell A Friend
No ratings.
Rated: ASR · Book · Biographical · #147419
questions with no answers.
#169434 added May 26, 2002 at 8:54am
Restrictions: None
nights
5/26/02
7:30am

Nights like last one make me question everything about who I am. it brings back memories that I don't want to remember. I don't know how to act, what to say. It's been so long, and I don't know if I'm supposed be the responsible mother or the person I was five years ago. I always say that I hate the way I was but sometimes I wish I could have a little of that back. Even then, I was still reserved. I don't remember a time when I have been comfortable around a large group of people.

I wish I would have had the courage to initiate conversations with people I haven't seen in years. That's the one thing I regret. I just don't know what to say or how to say it, and a good time never seems to come along. You want it to be perfect, a moment you can remember forever, and it's never there. I waited and I watched and it never came, and then I had this sick feeling all the way home. I'd missed a good chance to make closure, and I passed it up. It would have been really easy to fix old wounds and I wish I could. I wish I had the right things to say to make it better. Not that I could justify my behavior way back when, but I could have said something, anything. I

I've never felt so out of place, so old, so unappreciated. I want to move on and get rid of all the past grievances. Nights like those bring back memories that I don't want. I cannot just preted that I'm happy with the way relationships have turned out. I can't pretend that they've never done anything to hurt me. I watch them there having a good time and all I can think about is all the times that I was hurt. The years went by so quickly, and it didn't take long for me to withdraw. And I don't know why. It's not like I have anything to hide. I don't know if I purposely pushed them away in a attempt to hide unhappiness. That if I let anyone in, they will see right through my every weakness.

© Copyright 2002 daydream (UN: 1boy at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
daydream has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/books/entry_id/169434-nights