An Irishman abroad

A very special Christmas Traffic Report

Hi there everyone,
It's 13:30, Christmas lunch time and I thought I would drop you a wee email from a snow covered Ireland!!!!! It's pelting it down at the moment!)

Yes Christmas is here and the booze is flowing (along with the bullshit - a night out in my local and I realise why I am soooo full of nonsense most of the time - I can't help it - it's in my genes).
Great to be back home for the briefest of visits but I am looking forward to seeing you all soon (that includes you Sam!)

24th December
19:30 - Visit Grans.
19:35 - had first beer of the Christmas holiday in Ireland
19:58 - Fuelled by piss flavoured beer (it's so much better in Belgium) - I challenge my ever increasing circle of wee cousins to a "toy" fight
19:59 - Lying in a corner having had seven shades of shite pummelled out of me by the meanest and hardest gang of 4 year olds I've ever come across, I suggest that we retire to the pub
20:15 - my two brothers, my uncle and my father and myself go for a couple in our local. Jonny tries to manfully keep up with the family as they endeavour to break the world's speed and volume drinking binge, at the same time. Never before have I had such a wide and varied selection of drinks. Such multi coloured alcohlic beverages I have never before seen in my life. I was taking bets as to what colour my vomit would be....

25th December
02:30 - We all walk my brothers girlfriend home
02:45 - try and negotiate a 'short cut' from her house to my fathers which involves a hike through fields, barbed wire fences, mountains, valleys, snow (???), grizzly bears, TD's (town drunks) and the occasional bit of tree climbing.
03:10 - get home - phone the Dubliner and Sam - both seem to be in good form - drink some Stella and then play my wee brother on the playstation. Kick is lily ass!!!
10:30 - open the curtains to a snow covered Ireland
10:31 - ensure that the body still functions by endeavouring to break the worlds longest piss record.
10:45 - go downstairs. Santa has been!! Open first beer of the day to celebrate. Hope Santa was good to you - as he was to me - amongst my list of presents from "Daddy Santa" I can list:
A drinking hat with two convenient holders for 2 cans of guinness
A spy kit to eavesdrop on other peoples conversations (further developing my heightened paranoia)
A gun (a toy of course - what did you think - that we all give each other additions to our ever increasing arsenal of weapons at Christmas time over here in Belfast??) It fires rubber darts. Hours of endless fun to be had in the Dubliner. ("Step back Ricardo - nice and easy does it, OK slowly raise your hands in the air - actually Jeez man you stink - put those arms back down!!")

Now we go down to me mothers to see what "Mummy Santa has brought us" Will update you as soon as I can.

Take care and may your God be with you at this most wonderful of times....
See you all very very soon. Mail you sooner!