what matters and why

easter

3/30/02
1:40pm

I have come to despise everything commercial about Easter. Funny how I have no problem wrapping presents on Christmas or handing out candy on Halloween. Easter, however seems like it should be more focused on the spiritual side. I hate the cheap plastic eggs, the baskets and the candy that goes in them. I hate the feeling of not knowing what to buy, and knowing we don’t have money to spend on gifts for his family, yet it would be rude not to reciprocate. And it’s not creative, fun stuff from them. It’s frivolous material things that will be of no purpose to us. Now that there’s another baby in the family, it only means more stuff to buy. They mean well, I’m sure. But I’m stressed out because of the expense this requires. Shopping for people who already buy themselves everything is not easy. Easter falls at a time of year when the last thing I want is to be tempted with chocolate and candy. Summer is less than two months away. It comes at a time when we’re just recovering from Christmas and all the winter birthdays, and for some reason, it always comes earlier every year. And we will most likely end up not going to church at all, which Is so hard for me. I grew up believing religion played a bigger part than materialism, yet I haven’t really found a place to fit in on my own. I’m still questioning certain things and whether what I learned then is relevant now. I did enjoy the atmosphere and I miss that and I wish I could convince him that it’s a good thing. The weather’s been awful, which doesn’t coincide with a holiday that introduces spring and all that comes with it. Everything’s just completely wrong today. I have this horrible feeling that won’t leave me. I have no patience and I am sorry for myself for no reason at all. I don’t want to do the whole family thing today, or tomorrow. I canceled on my family, and after doing that left me with a bad taste. I hate it when people don’t follow through with plans and I hate being the instigator in that situation. I hate that his family’s get together is more important than mine. The thing is I know together we’ll enjoy being over there better anyway, despite all those complicated issues.