i hate reed academy!

uncertainty in my life by horsegirl

uncertainty in my life by horsegirl so many days cause me so much pain i wish i could let my tears rain i wish i could yell out and scream!!! i wish i could plan for the future but for now time stands still. i wish i didnt have to board my horse and that he was on a property with me but it cant happen just now you see. sometimes i feel so alone i feel cold and emptyness write down to my bones sometimes i feel traped in missery sometimes i disapoint me!!!! sometimes i wish for my parents sake i was more smart without disabilties but deep down i just want to be me!!!!! im straight but im scared of men i dont ever want to endure the pain of sexual harrasment again but yet deep down a part of me would like to let that fear go and with morals go into a good realationship with a guy but i know this is not to be so! for i have a fear of being touched and even loved and im afraid of the pain of looasing a love and a friend havent i had enough pain otherwise? where does the pain end! so perhaps oh lord allmighty from heaven above perhaps you have different plans for me and your eyes survey me with sypathy i put my life in your hands there is much you have givin to me!!! my wonderful horse majestic who is my best friend and soulmate and sets my spirits free also people twell me i am blessed with empathy and sympathy i try hard to see the good in all i will try to lift you to your feet if you fall pleasde dear lord show me the way show me there is good in life and everyone somewhere some way every day i know i have it better than so many others but i ask you one thing my lord when is the pain going to end the emptyness again filled up the peace and contentment in my soul made free thank you lord for all my blessings i know your love is never ending i espessily once again thank you for m,y horse without him you know of coarse i wouldnt be hear i hold majestic so dear god till i go to heaven one sweet day hopefully in old age and not before you will help my spirits soar and when days like today come that i am so sad please show me the clearest path