Rants on lit. from Guatemala

Do I know anything?

Music: “gimme tha power”(sic.) from Molotov. This is a good Mexican raping band. Hey… I can listen to Rap if I want to… well… for real… most of this guys songs suck… but this is a real good one… And it is a mix of Spanish and English kind of medley… so… I must like the thing

Read: ibid. but just for fun I have been taking a look at another of Estuardo Prado´s books… it is called “Los amos de la noche” or if you prefer: The lords of the night… nice sounding title, huh? I don’t want to advance any kind of judgment or critic on it yet… but at first glance it seems that it is all pure Estuardo.

but the word still means hopeless…

First of… yesterday I scared Mariana again… and this is painfully becoming a habit of mine… God… I hope Mariana doesn’t take it too hard… I was saying how the world sucks and how nobody cares (about me, of course… you know… the ugliest side of depression… selfvictimization) and… how I feel lonely… at least I can admit when I am…

I have thought for many days… since the last time this ugly thing happened that I was going to tell Mariana that… I wasn’t going to let her go throw what I’ve gone throw… yeah… the problems I went throw with my teacher… the worst… but my words were coming out of my keys on the board too fast… and I think she didn’t understand… and in case I don’t get to explain it… at least I’ll have a record of what it means… I don’t want to hurt her…

So… there I was… nearly crying over my keys… ha… what a pathetic excuse for a man… And Mariana trying to keep my attention away from it… when I couldn´t take it anymore… I had to leave again…

So I went to bed… feeling some heave load on my chest… literally… and I finally went to sleep… Little did I know I had a chance to keep the night going.

At one in the morning… a burglar tried to enter the house… and since I had trouble falling sleep… had a grate trouble awaking… but when I did I ran outside… with this god damned underwear falling (I sleep in my underwear) hahahaha… it was comic looking… but for a second… I really thought I could vent a little rage on any person who was trying to get in to my home…

If the burglar had seen me with my underwear around the ankles (the elastic is busted on nearly all of them… I have to get new ones) he probably would have been scared out of his mind!!!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! God it would have been fun. But unfortunately my brother got there before me and threw a glass (yep, a glass) to the guy stuck on an opening between the door and the roof. He apparently fell down from where he wanted to get in. Ah poor stupid bastard… if he had landed inside the house. First there is my brother’s dog that looks more like a horse with sharp teeth than a dog. And then there is me… I can become really violent some times… specially in cases where I feel really bad.

It sounds really funny now… but on that instant… I was really agitated… scared, mixed up with rage… but feeling much better. Why is this? Is it because I was reminded that I’m not a complete wimp? That I probably could, and have hit people before… Now this is important… a self image that is too normal… too cliché… but true. I guess I haven’t been seeing this… Mariana says: You are just normal. And I’m afraid she’s right.

Yep. Common… “and there is not accommodating the human being” this is an old saying of a friend (I think she’s still my friend) from Nicaragua.

More a little later.

l33t: ph@!!! 4|||) 1 |)0||7 3/3|| p14y 4||y 94//35… //|23 0|| 7|-|15 l4+3|2…