Rants on lit. from Guatemala

One more day, one day closer to madness?

Music: “youth gone wile” from Skid Row. Haven’t heard this song in a while, hasn’t anybody noticed Sebastian Bach’s voice sounds incredibly like Vince Neil’s. 80´s pop rock rules! As long as I don’t find anything else to listen to.
Book: “Satiricón” from Petronio. And I have read it in Spanish. Hey, what can I you do right?

It’s been a difficult week. I tried to call my teacher and she was as cold as I ever herd her. Why do I bother? I don’t know. But I was talking to Mariana on the icq and trying to explain it… and accidentally stumbled on a possible answer for this.

“The need for attention on her part”… But there is always this ambivalence of how to come up with this answer. It could be an outlet for feelings of guilt or It could be out of rational thought. And this, strikes my mind right now, are not two different options, but the same…

So why did I call my teacher… because I don’t want her to die. Selfishly (not as she thinks it is selfish though), guiltily and rationally on my part. A complex mater. Have to think about it! Must not succumb!!! Must get back to the ship!!! (hey… they don’t call me captain Kirk for nothing)

I have to catch up on my emails… Ah, had an interesting talk with SL from Guatemala… hey first woman from my own country that has endured two weeks talking to me throw icq.

Went to an audition… got the gig… I think, Going again today… Let’s see if I can manage to accept direction from someone other than myself. I have to investigate my past on the subject. At least a chance to get on stage again.

About the satiricon, aside from being the name of a black metal band, had nothing to do with metal. Hahahaha… It is a satire… the first real one I’ve ever read. It Is interesting… but the gay stuff is getting to me. And if I hadn’t read Poppy Z, it would have been too much.

“No harm ever came from reading a book” Yeah right. My first big depression came from a book… the one called : “A hero of our time” by a Russian author (whom I can’t remember)

There is something in a book that creeps up into your subconscious and could, if you are sensitive to that particular message, fuck you up for life!!!!

Did I make notes from Damian? Yeah I think I did… I will read this some time and laugh at myself.

k. got to go.