Gator Country

Albuquerque: Two Lovely Ladies

The stewardess announces that everyone going through to Orlando has to stay on board. Oh well, I guess breakfast is out. After the people getting off in Albuquerque deplane, I stand up and stretch, grab a different aisle seat a little closer to the front.

The stewardess apologizes for not being able to let us get off the plane, but says this leg of the flight is going to be full, and they wouldn’t be able to let us get off and then get everyone back on board on time. Well, so much for being able to stretch out. Hope I don’t get stuck with some fat obnoxious guy next to me in the middle seat. I put on my headphones, pop in an Ian Anderson tape, and wait to see who my new seatmates are.

The passengers start boarding. A good-looking woman, maybe a few years younger than me, asks if she can sit with me. I agree (what, like I’d actually refuse?) and I stand up to let her in. We strike up a conversation, she tells me her name is Lela. She’s easy-going, a real “down-to-earth” woman, I’m really enjoying talking with her. I hope the fat sweaty guy doesn’t show up now to grab the seat between us.

The plane is almost full when a pretty, young Oriental woman asks if she can sit next to me. First I find a diamond, then I get to share the flight to Orlando with two lovely ladies; this is definitely my lucky day! She says her name is Pie, she’s originally from Thailand. We talk a little. She says she’s flying with her kids, they’re a couple rows up from us. She asks if I would mind switching seats with her, so she can keep the kids in sight. I agree (what, like I’d actually refuse a chance to sit between the two lovely ladies?) and we get up to trade places.

Pie says she has free drink coupons, asks if I’d like anything. So here I am, sitting between two pretty women, talking and joking, and drinking free beer. Does it get any better than this? If you’re a guy reading this, I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah, but did you get “lucky”?”

Well, I’m a married man, and they’re married women, so I didn’t try to pursue it. I know a friend of mine who says if you’re gonna cheat, married women are the best, they’re not as likely to cause trouble; but he’s headed for his third divorce, so I don’t know how much stock I’d take in his advice. I am a guy though, so I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fantasize just a little bit about what it would be like to join the “mile high” club with either one of them. (Hey, I may be married but I’m not dead!) And as I was saying goodbye to Lela before getting off the plane in Orlando, just for a second, the scene from "Six Feet Under" where Brenda and Nate sneak off for a quickie in the airport terminal janitor’s closet flashed through my head.

(Note to any women reading the above who might think I'm a sexist pig: I'm just being honest here. This is the way most guys think, it's genetic. If you caught your husband or boyfriend looking at a pretty woman, and asked him outright if he was fantasizing about what it would be like to sleep with her, he would undoubtedly deny it. He would be lying.)