what matters and why

attack

9/13/01
8:00am

What do you say when something like this happens? When something so horrible, so unimaginable rips through the hearts of everyone close. You can only what if you’d been there, what if someone you loved was involved. And also why something so devastating? Could there not have been a better and just as effective way to the attention of those targeted in this attack. My initial reaction would be to immediately respond, to find the perpetrator no matter what the cost, and a desecrate them. To destroy the streets where civilians celebrated on Tuesday, where they had a party in our country’s expense. For some unknown reason this was a victory for them. This was absolutely unreal, something that only happens in a movie. Not for real. Not in this perfect life we live. It definitely puts my own problems in perspective. My life itself seems incredibly insignificant. Is it unreasonable to wonder if this is the beginning of the end? What will become of all those lives destroyed? When will we retaliate and what kind of damage will that cause. As a mother I worry that it will hit too close to home, that our world will eventually become too unsafe for my own son. On the other hand it is easy to picture that we will move on and eventually get over the tragedy. Maybe nothing will come of it, maybe the instigator will easily be captured and it will be over. And normal life will resume. Last night I saw a commercial played on TV for the first time in days and it didn’t seem like the right time. It was too soon. Who wants to think about new cars or the best laundry detergent right now? It’s so unimportant. Every time that image comes back it sends a shiver through my spine, and remember watching it that morning right when it happened, and feeling so scared that it would happen here close to us too. That it was not just a single attack but also more would follow. At church that morning, everyone seemed terrified, and they even considered closing public schools. Companies were let go, as no one had the heart to work that day. We all just sat, staring at that television watching it over and over again, still in disbelief. How could this possibly happen here, in our perfect country? Until now, it seemed that we would escape the evils going on across the sea. And now they have brought it home, to us. But no one is sure why; a specific reason is still unknown. A simple act of terrorism? This was so much more than that. The death toll is still rising, and people are still being pulled out alive. Stories of survival continue to amaze us all, and stories of loss bring tears to our eyes. Mothers and fathers who worked in that building and will never come out. Being an unemotional person, I have not cried for this, but have felt this knot in my stomach that won’t go away. War is a big possibility I know, and though scared I desperately want this country to stand up and take revenge. It’s compared to Pearl Harbor, the beginning of the Second World War, and even this seems more of a tragedy. The difference however is not being sure of our enemy now and how to go about retaliation.
I will never forget that day, Tuesday morning, September 11. I will never forget how I felt and attempting to explain to my son why they did that. How do justify cruelty such as this? How do you make a three year old understand the magnitude of this event? How much do you say, or is it better to reveal nothing. Why should he have to deal with it at all? I am beginning to feel guilty, remembering my safe happy childhood, wondering whether he will be able to experience one like that. What is a life if it is constantly lived in fear? It breaks my heart to think that all we had as children, he may not. That he may have to worry about violence, and figure on his own where he stands in this evil world. It was easy for me to go to church and believe that God was there, and always watching us. Yet I had never been through devastation such as this. How do you explain a God who allows these things to happen? How do you keep a child’s faith alive when this stuff is going on all around us?