Late Night Philosophy

A Test of Willpower

A few days ago, I requested a review of my work with Rayne. What I got back was not quite what I expected. It wasn't so much a review of the quality of my work, but more of a personal attack on my views and opinions. I think attack may be too strong of a word, but I think my readers should decide for themselves.

As a comment for this journal she wrote:
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Lets see this would be the last thing i have read in your entire portfolio. But it would seem it might not matter... yet...I feel as if I should reach over and flip a lightswitch for you. At least to enjoy the sun we have now. *smiles -Rayne
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Now, that was okay, considering that she gave this journal 4 stars. What bothered me was her concern for the darkness in my life. I'm not sure why, but I felt compelled to explain my views a bit more fully. Much of that statement is reflected in her response to it, though it is skewed slightly to her point of view.
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Rayne: Let me add a couple of things to your already self centered and egotistical pretensive point of view (disguised as a faith).

ps...I promise I do not feel any way in particular about your views and am not angry. (not that it would matter).
You child, do however make me feel sad for your inability to focus on something besides yourself. I do hope someday you find a light to provide some warmth to your cold narcissistic mind. Of course I am sure I am just a poor uninformed member of society.

*positive energy surround him lightly, for the good of all and of free will, so shall it be.- and email me any time darling, you really do have a passion..its a shame you wear it for pants...sitting on it daily.


Synthetic God:-AS RAYNE SEES HIM-
I wallow in my own self pity ...pretending to understand the futile existance of mankind. I am truly arrogant to think I might even really know the meaning of life and all that surrounds me. and since its such a lost cause and all the billions of people on earth cannot possibly comprehend what I can then I will continue to refuse to feel.
I only pretend to have a heart.
I can pretend to enjoy the sun and nature, I think that was evident in my poem, but if I let myself enjoy the "simple things" in life, the simple joys, the goodness around me, I would be kidding myself. My mission in life is not happiness, success in business or love, or any of that. I have no mission and am wasting breathe. What good is happiness and peace-of-mind when it doesn't mean anything in the long run to me, let alone anyone around me. But of course its not my job to humor anyone else. Personally, I wish I could enjoy life and nature and everything there is forever, but it just won't happen. Society and civilization won't let that happen. I'd have to be free of those things to truly enjoy life. For that to be true, I'd be have to be free of mortality. But if mortality is all we have, no "forever-lasting life in God", then I say, "why bother?". I'd be kidding myself to do anything less; I'd be making myself less of who I want to be. So please don't try to show me the light because I've seen it and it's a lost cause.

ps..ever see that pot commercial?..the kid carrying on about smoking pot never did damage to himself or anyone else?..then about that time his mom yell's from the first floor, asking him if he found a job yet cause he is still living at home mooching off her apparently.
Well I bet he understands how futile life is.
and i would wonder the same about anyone as uninformed as you seem to be.

sorry I rant also...I tend to worry about negativity. It really does damage to all around you.
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Right now, a lot of images and prejudices are coming to mind. I could call her many things out of anger, but that would make me a hyprocrite becasue I don't beleive that she is any of those things. In fact, I don't know her at all, so how can I judge her based on one e-mail? Moreover, how can she judge me? I don't think it's very fair to assume that I'm wasting my life just because I'm not as happy other people, etc. It may seem Bibilical, but I don't beleive in judging people I don't know. Take, for example, my Stories.com friend, Mihoshi. I've learned a lot about her and her life through her e-mails and journal entries. But I would never make assumptions about her life, mearly suggestions based on obeservations. But to judge someone right or wrong without knowing the person better is completely ridiculus. Frankly, it doesn't matter to me where Mihoshi lives or what she does in her spare time. It only matters when she offers to TELL me about those things or I feel the need to request them (and she decides to reply). She could live in South America or China for all the difference it would make to me. I care about what Mihoshi has told me becasue she offered the information, not becasue I made assumptions and judgements and now I'm right (of course, I made no such judements). The point is, I care about what people have to say, not where they live or who their friends are or what they do in their spare time. When those people decide to tell me that information, that's when I care about it, not before. That's becasue everyone has the right to not be judged. I mean, the guy who lives at his computer all day may or may not have something important to say. The same goes for the girl who plays sports most of the day. She may or may not have something important to say. So should I discount the guy and pay attention to the girl just becasue she has a more socially accepted life? No, they both have the right to say what they please and I, and I alone, will determine if they have something important to say to me. No one else will tell me who to listen to, becasue if I start to judge people based on their ethnic backgrounds, social standing, and off-line activities, then I would just be a hypocrite missing out on some important messages.

Lastly, I'd like to point of the purpose of the title. Enduring Raynestorm's letter was a test of will, which I passed. As a child in grade school, I was known for temper tantrums. I know it seems silly, but I really was easy to provoke back then. Since that letter was entirely personal, and not constructive critizism, my insides were nearly churning with anger. Thanks to my own practicing in objectivity and my own (personal) realizations in Creation Nihilism, I was able to stay in control of myself (relatively, read other posts) and pass this test of willpower. In fact, I wrote a perfectly civilized response to her above letter and I will send it to her later today and post it here later today or tomarrow.

Thanks for reading my work,
SyntheticGod