My Conversion Story Journal

April 26, 2025

The first days of Pesach were exhausting. I worked that Friday, and instead of only doing my normal weekend work, I had to have lessons plans ready for Monday since that was the second day of the holiday, and lessons plans and copies ready for the next week since I worked Tuesday and wasn't going to be able to work until late Monday night. Somehow, I did all of that, prepared for Shabbat and the holiday, and made it to dinner on time for Shabbat. Something happened that Shabbat that would lead to a meltdown the last night of Pesach, but I'll save that story for the next entry.

The dinner went late, and it was after midnight when I got home. Normally, that would be fine, but because all hametz (leavened food) had to be eaten early, that meant lunch was pretty much close to breakfast time, and services were at the crack of dawn (pretty close to it). I decided to pray at home instead of going to shul for the morning service, and then went to my friends' house for brunch. We ate the challah rolls on the porch. It would be last bread that I would eat for 8 days and my last challah for two weeks.

I had my first Seder at the friends' house that I had went to last year. This year, it was not as dramatic (no fire), but it was just as memorable. I wasn't nervous, or intimidated at the thought of it, and enjoyed reading through the Haggadah, I enjoyed the discussions, I enjoyed all of the laughter, and I enjoyed everyone's nose running from the horseradish. I had spent time researching Elijah and why the Seder had so much to do with him. I didn't understand all of that last year.

I learned through my research that Elijah had told G-d that the people had forgotten his covenant, so he was appointed to attend every circumcision. He comes to every Seder to bear witness that every male in attendance is circumcised. He is given a cup of wine at the Seder table, and the door is opened during the meal to let him in. It is said that he is the one to say when the Messiah will come and the Messianic era will begin (definitely a completely misunderstood idea in Christianity).

Through my research to prepare for the Seders, I also read that the plagues in Egypt (the reason for the Seder) were designed to strip the land of all the evil in the all of the elements (air, water, fire, earth). Only then when Egypt was stripped of the good (the Jewish People) that it would be completely empty of all good and bad. Only then could Egypt understand that there is one G-d. That lead to a wonderful conversation about the fifth element (the Jewish People).

I made it home from the first Seder at 2:30 am.

My second Seder was at my friend H's house. It was my first Seder somewhere else. It was different and fun also. I was privileged to be able to put together a Seder plate for the first time ever. I also read part of the Haggadah in Hebrew at the Seder table, in front of other people. That was another first. The second Seder ended with the reading of the names of those still held in captivity by Gaza. If there was ever anything that was a reinforcement of the teaching that we are "still leaving Egypt" it is the reminder of the hostages by name.

I made it home from the second Seder after 3 am.

I liked that there were differences, and that all of the major elements of the Seders were the same. The seriousness of the nights were present at both Seders, but so was great conversation about the Seder topics, lots of laughter, and so much hope for the future.

It was a long weekend. I don't think I slept, but rather passed out from exhaustion. I hardly remember the three days that I worked that week. Friday was no school for Good Friday, and a day for me to get some extra rest and prepare for the second holiday weekend - the last days of Pesach.

So after a week of holiday, eating matzah, late nights with holiday stuff and work, and my friend's words festering in my brain, the last days of Pesach started. I ended Pesach with a meltdown.

I will tell more about that in my next entry.