My Conversion Story Journal

April 5, 2025

There are times that I sit in synagogue or I read something on Shabbat and wish I could write right then! But there is no writing on Shabbat. I was listening during Torah reading only partially because I got caught up in the writing at the bottom of the page. This week's parshah as on the offerings that were brought to the temple. Obviously we don't bring sacrifices to the temple for sin offerings (when you break a negative commandment) or peace offerings (when you don't do a positive commandment) anymore, because the temple was destroyed.

Though I have heard this section of Leviticus many times before, I was struck by something and immediately thanked Hashem for being so loving, forgiving, and amazing. It was what I read about the meal offering that had me awe-struck. When a poor person brings a meal offering, it is the size of his palm closed with only the middle three fingers (not thumb or pinky finger). With the size of my hands, I wonder if that is even the size of a kazayis (approx. the size of an olive). This meal offering (even with my tiny hands) is considered more worthy than a offering of a sheep or animal. What I read said that it is, "considered as if the person offered their entire soul" with just that size of an offering.

I have always heard that G-d looks at the heart and knows a person's thoughts and intentions. He knows what no one else does about a person. He knows who we are inside. It made me look at offerings in a completely different way. It is not what was offered that was the significant factor. We did the offerings not because G-d needed them, he already own everything. After all, he created everything. He had us do the offerings because it was a way for us to see our own sin and how it affected the world and not just ourselves. We would then be able to work on ourselves to not sin again or to follow his commandments. Then G-d, in his kindness, would forgive us like it never even happened.

What gets me the most out of all of this is that this is done, not for Hashem's benefit, but for our benefit. All of the rules (pages and pages worth) are so that we will see our own error, turn back to Hashem, ask for forgiveness, and get close with him again. So when someone who has little to nothing brings three fingers full of flour for a meal offering, G-d sees that he will give all that he has to be close with him again, and wants to be close with him again.

When Hashem orchestrates such an elaborate thing (even though I'm only just reading about it) to get me to come back to our relationship and be close with him, how could saying a few prayers a day, or keeping kosher, or keeping Shabbat, or cleaning for Pesach be an inconvenience. In the symphony of this world, anything that Hashem requires of me seems so little in comparison to his great love for me.

Hashem is amazing.