The Book of Masks (Vol. 5)

Sausage Party at the Cemetery

Previously: "Of Plans Well Made and Otherwise" 

"Jesus," you murmur as you tip another spadeful of dirt into the sandbag that Caleb is holding open. "Why do I keep jumping every time a car goes by?"

It's Saturday night, and instead of hitting a party spot—though it's not like you hit many of those anyway—you are back out in the old Masonic cemetery. The Moon is up and and the sky glows faintly with a milky haze from the city lights. So you feel as though you are standing on a dark stage under a spotlight, visible to every vehicle that sweeps down Farm Road, even though you are digging off the top of a grave that is as far from the street as you could get.

"That's not nerves, that's just hope," Caleb remarks sourly. "Hope that Tilley finally shows up."

Keith was the lone holdout when it finally came to vote on whether to make another golem, as Caleb has come to dub the thing you made. You weren't enthusiastic, and Teresa said nothing during the debate. But when the vote came, you were persuaded by Caleb's argument that you should make at least one more of the things.

I don't want to have to depend on Will coming over every time I want to do something with it, he said. If Keith doesn't want one that automatically obeys him, fine, we'll make just one more, two if Teresa wants one for herself. Besides, I want to run that experiment again. We need to confirm that it was the hair we put in it that made it obey Will, and not something else. Also, except for the dirt, we got lots of stuff left over for making more, and it'd be a waste if we don't use some of it.

Against that, Keith could only whine that he didn't want to "go digging in no cemetery again."

So you're not surprised that he's late. He texted you about the time he was supposed to show up, saying that he had to go pick up Teresa, because she wanted to come out too. You don't know why she would, and you more than half-suspect Keith made it up just so he could get out of as much of the work as possible.

The night air is cool and you are in long pants and a windbreaker, but you soon break out in a light sweat, and after filling a third of the bags you estimate you need to make another golem, you switch off with Caleb. So you're kneeling at the foot of the grave, holding the mouth of the bag open as he carefully pours another spadeful of dirt into it, when you hear the growl of tires on gravel, and look over your shoulder to see a pair of headlamps sweeping up toward you. For a moment you are frozen with terror, until you recognize Tilley's car behind them.

He stops a few dozen feet off and kills the lights and motor. You and Caleb pause in your work to watch, with faint irritation, as the car rests unmoving.

Finally, the driver's side door opens, and lanky figure gets out. "'Bout time you showed up," Caleb calls out.

"Yeah," says an unfamiliar voice. "Your friend wigged out on me on the way over. Fucker nearly drove off the road."

"Bite me, man," retorts a second figure, now climbing out of the passenger side. "You'd'a shat yourself into next week if you looked in the rearview mirror 'n saw that sitting up in the back seat."

You're hardly listening, though, but with bulging eyes and a gaping mouth watch as a now-familiar boy with long hair comes sauntering up. It's the kid you had that date with last weekend, when you last wore Mickey's mask.

"Teresa?!" you squeak.

"Cody," he retorts, and mimes throwing a punch at your face. (You're too dazed to even react.) "Yeah, I thought if I was gonna help you cocksuckers out, I better come out like this."

You fight to swallow the bolus that is choking you. Beside you, Caleb murmurs, "The fuck?" Keith edges away from this new fourth male in your company, and stands to the side, looking between you and him.

"The fuck're you staring at me like that for," Cody demands of you. "You remember me. We had that date. You had tits at the time."

You suck in a sharp breath, and look quickly between Caleb and Keith. It's cold comfort that they are still concentrated on Cody and not on you.

Still, you have to go and protest, like an insecure idiot.

"We wanted to go out in a couple of masks!" you holler. "Nothing happened!" you add to your instant, horrified regret.

"Yeah, he was pretty frigid," says Cody. "Or Mickey was. An' I was tryin'."

"You didn't tell me you were trying!" you yell.

"So I'm telling you now. Anyway, how much of this shit you got dug up?" He looks around. "You almost done here?"

No one says anything for a thunderstruck moment. Then you all start talking—or stammering—at once. Caleb finally makes his voice heard above the others.

"We're about halfway done, if we're only making one more of the things," he says. "If you wanna get started on digging up stuff for a third one, you guys can start over there while me 'n Will finish up here. You bring a shovel?" he asks Keith.

"Me?" Keith shrieks. "I didn't even wanna come out here!"

"But you're here and you're gonna do your fair share of the work."

"How come Will can't work with whatsernuts here? He already knows's nuts."

"Don't be a fucking baby."

"I'll finish up here with Keith," you tell Caleb. "You 'n Cody can go work over there." You point.

Caleb frowns. "That'll be like starting over for me!"

"Now who's being a fucking baby? Besides, you and, uh, Cody can get to know each other. Me and Keith and him are already acquainted," you add in a mutter.

Caleb snorts but complies, thrusting his shovel at Tilley. Cody gives you kind of a hooded look before turning to trudge back to the car, where Caleb pulls a second shovel out of the back seat.

"She's fucking weird," Keith mutters after they've moved off a dozen yards or so.

"Keep your voice down," you retort. "And you're digging. I already had my turn with the shovel."

"Had your turn with the hoe too, by the sounds of it," he says as he picks up the spade. "She's fucking weird."

"Dude, we were putting on panties and bras and going out as a bunch of girls. If she's fucking weird, what does that make us?"

"Healthy straight dudes who like playing with pussy," Keith retorts.

"So this makes her a healthy straight girl. It's the same thing."

"Is not. Anyone who wants to play with cock is fucking weird if they're not just gay."

"You play with your cock."

"That's different. She don't got a cock to play with."

"Oh, shut up."

You dig in silence. And though you strain your ears over the crunch of the shovel cutting into the turf and the dirt, it appears the other two are digging silently as well.

* * * * *

Though there is talk of digging up enough dirt for yet another golem—to make a quartet—you decide to break it off with three. Keith tries to get "Cody" to ride home with you, but you insist that you have to transport the dirt back to the elementary school, and that Teresa's house is not on the way. With ill grace, he gives way.

"Tilley's gonna fuck it up for us yet," Caleb says after you and he are in the cab of your truck.

"He nearly fucks it up for us every time he gets involved in anything," you agree.

"Yeah, but this is different. The three of us, we can bounce back. If he fucks it up for us with Teresa, what are we gonna do then?"

"You saying I should'a given her a ride?"

"Yeah, probably, now that you mention it. Too late now."

"Well, what do you think of 'Cody'?"

Caleb snorts.

"Well, if you're asking me to be a drama critic, I'd say she was leaning in way too hard with the act. Was there a doohickey in that mask?" He rubs a fingertip across his brow.

"Yeah, it came off of those guys, one of the twins."

"Ah. Then I won't hold it against her. I thought she was just trying to channel some guys she knows at school."

"Well, she wants to be one of the guys."

"What do you mean?" he asks, sharply. "Like penis envy?"

"No, I didn't mean that! I don't know about that. I just mean— It was something that occurred to me when we were, uh, out together last weekend."

"You don't gotta feel embarrassed about that," Caleb quickly interrupts.

"Fuck you for saying so, but thanks. No, what I meant was, she's the only girl in our, uh, group. And she's a sophomore. It's gotta be kind of awkward for her. Dressing up as a guy, I think she thinks that's gonna make it easier to be around us."

"Well, if that's what she thought, I don't think she's gonna think it anymore. Though to be honest, Will I'm kind of ashamed for acting so weird about it."

"Did you talk to, uh, her while you were working?"

"Yeah, but just, you know, 'Hold the bag open a little wider,' stuff like that."

"Yeah." After a moment's silence you add, "Maybe we could ask her come out with us tomorrow, as Cody again, and this time make her feel like one of the guys."

"That's an idea. But first we should get working on these things." He glances back into the bed of the truck, where almost 800 pounds of dirt are resting. "We can make it tomorrow's project, then go out and relax with, uh, Cody."

"Shit, I just thought," you suddenly remark. "Are we gonna do the spell at that old barn again?"

"I thought we'd do it in the basement," Caleb says. "We know now we won't burn the place down."

Next: "A Second Date with Cody" 

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"Table of Contents (Vol. 5)" 
"The Book of Masks (Vol. 5)"