Daily Cascade

On Friendship

Prompt: Friendships
"There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you."
Paramahansa Yogananda
What do you think this prompt means when it comes to making friends? Is total unselfishness the only way to make friends? And how do think friendships deepen?

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First, I would never act totally unselfish just to make friends. If I were that unselfish, I couldn't live in this world, for sure. This would be because I would think twice before eating meat or even plants, using the environment, and driving on a lane in front of other cars, for example. Imagine trying to give way for all the other cars pass in front of you. You'd get nowhere, and besides, you'd hold up the traffic. The way I see it, total unselfishness could be the yogi-like way of speaking, but it doesn't work in the real world.

Then, while selflessness is a quality much admired by all and might be a front factor in making friends, it is not the only way. Plus, it doesn't work in the long run. This is because any friendship needs reciprocity from both parties, so it can grow on mutual respect, care, and understanding.

What really means something in making friends is beyond selflessness. In my opinion, authenticity has to be the first requirement. Why would anyone want to be friends with a made-up person? Anyhow, most friendships begin from shared interests, not because someone sees the other person being totally selfless.

Also, being dependable is quite important. If you say you'll meet a friend at a certain place or time, and you don't show up without a good reason, that would make you undependable and any friendship with you might not be considered again. In addition, just maybe, showing empathy and sharing one's feelings, experiences, and thoughts can be important, too, as this would build trust in between people.

In short, being overly self-centered can alienate people. No one wants to be around those who are always looking for their own benefits and prioritizing their own deeds and works.

I think the ideal way for making friends has to do with finding the right balance. One has to have boundaries, and at the same time, has to value and support the other person. To put it in a nutshell, true friendships are built on give and take without any resentment or burnout.