Odd O'blography

America's Himmler

Reposted from Real Fake News:

I Am America's Himmler!
Vance to take active role in the new Reich
         by staff reporter Ariel Quisling

         "I can honestly say that Donald Trump has an incredible record of success," vice-presidential candidate J. D. Vance told a panel of Faux news-actors. "He has pushed and strained to create a movement, and I am proud to be his number two. Every great movement needs a guy who can handle the paperwork. My clerical background will make me invaluable to President Trump as he does his business on the resolute desk."
         Vance basked in the reflected orange glow as the Faux News hosts took turns praising the brilliant Trump campaign strategy of demeaning women and insulting veterans. The interview wasn't all softballs, however. When asked about earlier criticism of the failed ex-president, Vance claimed to have been an 'always-Trumper' from infancy.
         "No one has loved President Trump longer or more deeply than me. Certainly not his many ex-wives and mistresses. Not even Kim Jong Un. People misunderstood when I compared my favorite president to Adolf Hitler. That was actually a compliment. Hitler was a stable genius who made Germany great again and President Trump will do even better. Donald Trump is twice the leader that Hitler was. In his second term, he'll make America great again, again! Hitler may have been a good speaker, but The Donald has much bigger crowds, and crowd size matters, believe me! But even so, The President can't do everything by himself. There's just not enough time in the day after golf and watching Faux News for the president to oversee internment camps and mass deportations. So, like Hitler, President Trump needs a second-in-command who's willing to do what's necessary to get the job done. I'm that go-to guy. I am America's Himmler!"

Author's note: ▼

Heinrich Himmler was a high-ranking nazi bureaucrat who controlled the SS, the Gestapo, and was briefly second-in-command to Adolph Hitler. He is primarily known for being a main architect of the Holocaust.