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Printed from https://writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1074259-The-Cutesy-Critters-Christmas-Nativity-Play-Part-Three
Rated: 18+ · Book · Comedy · #2312723
The Guinea Pig Files. Tales of Ralph, Toby and Graham
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#1074259 added July 22, 2024 at 8:01am
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The Cutesy Critters Christmas Nativity Play (Part Three)
The Cutesy Critters Christmas Nativity

Part Three



INN ONE (Bey Vue - A House for Paying Guests)

Mrs. Ogmore-Pritchard (Played by a Guinea Pig named Teresa):

No! There's no room in my Inn. I don't want people breathing on the chairs and putting their feet on my carpets and sneezing on my china and sleeping in my sheets.

[Door slams]

INN TWO (The Queen Vic)

Mrs. Angie Watts (Played by a Guinea Pig named Gwendolyn):

Yer 'avin' a laugh in'tcha? Expectin' a bleedin' room on Christmas Eve, at the time ov the census. Takin' the proverbial that is.

No! There's no room at this Inn.

[Door Slams]

INN THREE ( Fig and Serpent - Buddleigh Salterton)

Mr. Gregory (Played by a Guinea Pig named Gregory (Now there's a surprise!)):

Well, I'm afraid there really isn't any room inside. We are fully booked. Well we have a tinkle and turkey event you see and it's very popular. Look I can see how you're fixed. Best I can offer is the barn outback it's supposed to be haunted by Quokkas whatever they are, but I've never seen one.

BARN ONE (Not sure why I made it number one, what with it being the only one in this story. Seems a bit redundant really. Oh well, on with the show...)

We see the inside of a rather nice barn with clean straw, space heaters and a coffee machine in the corner. Various animals are dotted about the place. These are all cutesy (this should go without saying).

One of the (cutesy) creatures is a small kitten named Feliz Navidad. He is wearing a pair of those reindeer horns on a hoop that are so popular this time of year.

FELIZ: Me-ow. I mean. Moooooo. Mooo.

PROMPTER (Hidden): Say it quieter Feliz.

OTHER VOICE (Also Hidden) (Ralph): Why does he have to say it quieter? The audience won't be able to hear him.

PROMPTER (Still Hidden): It says here quite clearly that the cattle are lowing.

RALPH (Also Still Hidden):That's some pretty high brow humour right there.

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