The Guinea Pig Files. Tales of Ralph, Toby and Graham |
The Cutesy Critters Christmas Nativity Part Three INN ONE (Bey Vue - A House for Paying Guests) Mrs. Ogmore-Pritchard (Played by a Guinea Pig named Teresa): No! There's no room in my Inn. I don't want people breathing on the chairs and putting their feet on my carpets and sneezing on my china and sleeping in my sheets. [Door slams] INN TWO (The Queen Vic) Mrs. Angie Watts (Played by a Guinea Pig named Gwendolyn): Yer 'avin' a laugh in'tcha? Expectin' a bleedin' room on Christmas Eve, at the time ov the census. Takin' the proverbial that is. No! There's no room at this Inn. [Door Slams] INN THREE ( Fig and Serpent - Buddleigh Salterton) Mr. Gregory (Played by a Guinea Pig named Gregory (Now there's a surprise!)): Well, I'm afraid there really isn't any room inside. We are fully booked. Well we have a tinkle and turkey event you see and it's very popular. Look I can see how you're fixed. Best I can offer is the barn outback it's supposed to be haunted by Quokkas whatever they are, but I've never seen one. BARN ONE (Not sure why I made it number one, what with it being the only one in this story. Seems a bit redundant really. Oh well, on with the show...) We see the inside of a rather nice barn with clean straw, space heaters and a coffee machine in the corner. Various animals are dotted about the place. These are all cutesy (this should go without saying). One of the (cutesy) creatures is a small kitten named Feliz Navidad. He is wearing a pair of those reindeer horns on a hoop that are so popular this time of year. FELIZ: Me-ow. I mean. Moooooo. Mooo. PROMPTER (Hidden): Say it quieter Feliz. OTHER VOICE (Also Hidden) (Ralph): Why does he have to say it quieter? The audience won't be able to hear him. PROMPTER (Still Hidden): It says here quite clearly that the cattle are lowing. RALPH (Also Still Hidden):That's some pretty high brow humour right there. |