My Conversion Story Journal

June 20, 2024

I think my stress level has hit a new high. I love that I am moving onto the next step, but doing this is hard. I couldn't move to the community without a job first. Now that I have a job, I need housing quick. However, I am still under contract with my apartment until the end of September. I am now frantically trying to find a place to live, doing entry paperwork for my new job, registering for workshops that are weeks before I was told my start date would be, and wondering how I am going to move once I find a place and be able to afford rent on both places on top of a down payment.

I had to turn down the second job offer, which I have never done before, turn down another job interview, which I have never done before, and tell my boss that I am going to resign my position for a new job.

I am emotionally spent by hurting others because I am abandoning them. I don't want to do anything. I just want to lay in my bed and cry.

I know I need to do this. When I am all set up and the school year has started, and when I am settled in a new place, I know I will be okay. That day, however, is not today.

Today I am not okay. I do not like this step of conversion at all.

I love you Hashem. I trust you Hashem.