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A collection of stories about my family's trip to the movies going sour quite fast! |
It was Monday, May 20th, 2024, and you have just gotten out of jail! Still upset over your weekend stay in jail, you and your wife would go to a Taco Bell to pick up some munchies to help calm down your nerves. As you start to order up a large list of items from the menu, the person behind the speakerphone would eventually interrupt you and tell you that they don't quite have enough food to fulfill your order! You get mad and cuss up a storm before rushing home and ordering up some food from Chipotle! On Wednesday, May 22nd, 2024, you would be driving through a McDonald's to get yourself a couple dozen orders of Big Mac meals to feast on while on another gaming session with Fortnite! After you come home and started chowing down, your wife would interrupt you with some papers! Apparently, the papers were from the hospital from your last stay, and according to the test results...you aren't drinking enough water... Because of this, you and your wife would angrily argue over how you should stop guzzling away gallons upon gallons of Pepsi and Mountain Dew, before you snap and start to leave the house, 2 12-pack cases of Pepsi in hand, and stay in a motel for the night! On Friday, May 24th, 2024, you would be in the mood for some Mexican food again! However, you didn't want to go back to Taco Bell and deal with their bullshit again, so you went by a certain Mexican restaurant and got yourself some food there! As you feast into all of the Mexican food, you would get a bunch of notifications on your phone! Apparently, Ross is seeing another movie called, "Furiosa!" Are you fucking kidding? Some people in your family are still struggling because power has been out for almost all month because of all of the tornadoes and severe storms! On Saturday, May 25th, 2024, you and your wife would be driving to the IMAX theater where Ross is watching the movie! As you drive through the town, you would see a nice looking Poker Club and would start to pull into a parking spot! Your wife would ask why you are stopping here and you tell her that you need money badly and if they win big at the Poker table, they would be set for life! Your wife would then remind you of the time you went to a Casino and how you nearly lost every dollar and cent to your name because of your reckless gambling! You told her that things would be different this time and after you win big at the Poker table, you would leave and kick Ross's ass at the IMAX theater! However, things wouldn't be going so well for you two! As you two play some Poker and lose some money, you both would get quite intoxicated from all of the booze served at the Poker club! Your wife would get so drunk at one point that when she lost yet, another Poker game, she would snap and start to flip tables like some rabid Amazon warrior! As your wife is driven off in the inmate transport wagon, you would decide to mouth off to the police one last time! Unfortunately, that would be your big mistake! You would try to run away, but would be faced with some trouble! Behind you is an army of cops, and in front of you, a river! You, in your infinite, drunken wisdom, decided to strip down naked and jump into the river to try to swim away from the cops! Unfortunately, because you are a ball of lard that is about as fit as a blimp, you didn't get very far with your watery escape... As you get taken to jail in your birthday suit, Ross's roommate would post the following video to your latest Facebook post: |