Everyday Canvas

Shifting of Blame or Kudos

Prompt:
When something goes right or wrong, do you ever say or think, "Did I do this to myself?” Or, is it always someone else's goodness or fault?

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Of course! I am very sure I did that in the past, and possibly, I may be reverting to that kind of a behavior in the present, too, at least inside my thoughts.

Blaming others for good or bad is a human defense mechanism. It's easier to put the blame on someone else instead of myself. If I can't do something that I've planned to do, for example, I tend to blame, if not someone else, but something else, such as the weather or an illness or my impression of someone else's words or looks. The possibilities are endless.

Then, probably, we all do that, this wrongly blaming or praising of others, for a good reason or not, to protect our own self-image and avoid feelings of guilt and responsibility. I've noticed such behavior in myself and in others.

As to giving others the undue credit for one's successes or the good one has done, this may come about because we don't want to be seen as braggards and neither do we like to think of ourselves as braggards. For this type of a behavior, there may be other underlying motivations or the results from one's earlier upbringing and childhood.

It is unbelievable how much our upbringing plays a role in our view of the world and our own actions. A child who is always put down ends up feeling guilty for many things that happen, even if those things have nothing to do with that child's actions. On the other hand, a child who is always praised and never corrected can end up with a distorted view of his own reality.

Either way, the tendency to shift the blame or the kudos away from oneself unnecessarily can be detrimental to a person's own behavior and social interactions. Accepting responsibility for both successes and failures is essential for cultivating resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. Yet, once we are aware of our own behaviors, then there's hope that we can correct ourselves on our own. That's possibly the reason why we have been given a life of many years.


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