My Conversion Story Journal

May 1, 2024

Pesach was unforgettable. I didn't eat anything made of flour except kosher for Passover matzah. Actually, the only thing I ate was matzah, vegetables and fruit when I was home. Not knowing how to prepare, not having a kosher kitchen, and still wanting to observe as much as I could left me little food options. I honestly say that I never went hungry though. Matzah is very filling and I'm a good enough cook that I can make food with fruit and vegetables and still not eat the same thing every day. Well, except matzah. It was a good experience and I have a better understanding of what I need to do for next year to prepare better.

I did not go to shul this past weekend because of traveling to take care of my dad. I did not pout about it this time though. I did imagine the sight of the Torah scroll being removed from the ark and carried around the room. I heard the voices of the singing as it was returned. I smiled at hearing the Torah read in my mind. I may may have been alone on Shabbat, but I certainly did not feel alone. Familiar voices, faces, and glowing spirits were there with me in my heart as I prayed.

Since I normally drive to break Shabbat, I had to do it another way, so I finished cooking dinner after candle lighting Friday night. Then I answered a phone call on Saturday. I stayed after work to volunteer to work a middle school activity night, so cooking late was an easy way to break Shabbat. I was offered pizza while I was volunteering, but I turned it down because of Pesach. If anyone ever questions if I am serious about conversion, the fact that I turned down pizza to eat matzah is enough to show how serious I am. I mean, it's pizza.

When I went to my dad's, I took my own food so I could still keep Pesach. My dad liked the food I cooked and even liked the matzah. I left him a box. I was nice that he didn't yell at me for a day about my conversion, though he did voice his concern, again. Small victories.

I had a couple of students tell me that they had never tasted matzah before, so today I brought in my two extra boxes. My students at almost both boxes. It was nice watching them break a piece and share it with others. Not nice for the janitor who had to clean up all the crumbs, but brownies will make him forget the mess. I hope.

My students and other staff have mentioned about me leaving next year. The word has spread quite quickly. A staff member did her best to make me feel bad, which I did, about leaving and not being here next year to teach her son. Her walking away to cry out of sight was what got me the most. I'm not just leaving a job, I'm leaving people's lives and futures.

Mixed with these feelings of sadness for this time next year is reflection on the past year. It was during the counting of the Omer that I met my American Rabbi. It's been over year on the secular calendar and a full year of holidays that I have studied. It have only been a year that I have studying with a Rabbi, but it has taken a lifetime to get me to this moment. I can honestly say that I am not the same person that I was a year ago, and I never want to go back.