I'm A Florent Fox, Listen Carefully

B&W Door 21

         Well, la-di-da, I am now considered a lady, no, a Lady. Somehow I've become gentrified, whatever that means. To be honest I think I feel petrified. What am I expected to do...now? Them that dared to refer to me as lady in the past weren't bowin' or nuthin'. No respect. No difference, wait, deference at all. I heard sneerin'. Lay-dee.

         Am I supposed to mind my p's and q's? Posture? Poshness? Peculiarity? Pronouncin'? People? Peers? I'm peerage? It's all queerage to me.

         Lyn's a Witchy Woman has stepped in it, or is it stepped in to electrocute, sorry, elocute little ol' me. My speechifyin' aint up to snuff. Princess Megan Snow Rose was wrasslin' wit' my coffer, oops, coiffure an' I swore a blue streak. Lyn's a Witchy Woman tol' me ta pull up ma boot straps, but then Purple Holiday Princess tossed 'em. Angelica Weatherby-Star on top hitched up one a ma feet and stuffed it inna glass slippa. I'm scratchin' ma head. All that fussin' makes for itchin'. If'n I wanna see ma feet when I mince,trip, glide I'd be barefoot. Why all this hoopla? Ain't ladies in waitin' meant to wait?

         

         Ah, no, I mean, oh no. P is for petticoat. I put up ma arms an' all fer that coat an' they all tittered, or so they call it. I heard great honkin' brayin'. They shovin' ma legs inna big ol' wire bird cage? How'm I supposed to set ma arse, excuse me, ass, oops, derriere down? Purple Holiday Princess shook her head and Princess Megan Snow Rose splained the glide. Angelica Weatherby-Star on top called it floatin'. Ladies neva do nuthin' but stand around wit' no leanin'.

         We's goin' ta ma first ball an' the waitin' ladies tol' me not to bawl. We ladies have a split, er, stiff upper lip. They also warned me ta not take no notice of Queen tracker 's hairy lip. Pointin' it out aint fancy manners. I'm a just ta curtsy not bow. 🐕GeminiGem🎁 is her offal official maid. I'm to act like she weren't standin' in the Queen's shadow. Accordin' ta all things Lyn's a Witchy Woman , I address the queen as her majesty, or her highness. Ma speechifyin' coach got a might tetchy when I raised ma hand an' asked, "Y'all bin to her address?"

          At the ball-of-no-bawlin' the ladies and gentlemen swarmed circled tracker . Every dancer tippy-toed 'round her real slow like. I think it were a minuet. Ma eyes were adroopin' 'til Merremy Christmas! caught ma 'ttention wit' a wavin' bit o' cloth that he dropped at ma feet. Jayngle Bells shoved him into Annette . He bounced. Probly the hoop thingy. Next he stumbled inta Nobody’s Home and she slipped into that there highness lady. She squawked and flailed like a flouncy feather duster. Jeff , one a them budders butlers ,threw a tray inta the air and it all rained down onta her majesty in a red wine cloud. I spit onto that there drop cloth and wiped ma Queen's drippin' face. She got a case of the vapours an' Merremy Christmas! caught her under the crown.

         Nobody tol' me not ta touch the queen. The manner police caused quite the ruckus. They can have ma petticoat and my royal title. I aint neva been no lady. Oh, and I have no use for tha glass slippers neither. H❀pe was eyeballin' 'em. I hear tell princes like that sorta thing. (528 words)